Almost Golden

Had Mama J. lived she and Papa T. would have marked their 50th wedding anniversary this December. On the way to the cemetery Saturday, Papa T. joked that she would have wanted to have a big celebration for that, and he’s right. She would have, complete with floral arrangements and matching tablecloths. But it’s like I told him, fifty years of marriage is worth celebrating. Their partnership has left me with an example of what marriage is about.


Their union was no more perfect than anyone else’s. I don’t think you can have a “perfect marriage”. It’s just too hard to work through the day to day of raising a family and sharing a home without some bumps along the way, but their marriage was unique in that Papa T. knew at an early age he would go blind as an adult. Mama J. knew that when they got married and agreed to support him when he eventually lost his eyesight. Glaucoma robbed him of his dream to be a veterinarian and of caring for the family farm. He changed his college major to education, figuring he would always be able to earn a living that way, even when he lost his vision. He was right. He had a very successful career as a teacher, administrator and eventually the superintendent of a local school system. Mama J. was right there beside him the whole time, making sure he was sharply dressed, that he didn’t show up for work in one brown shoe and one black shoe and generally took care of little details that could have made him less professional in the workplace as his eyes started to fade. In the last few years, when his eyesight left him, she was still making sure he got what he needed, administering his eye drops on time and reading the newspaper to him each day. Even though she hated sports scores. It wasn’t always easy for her, especially as her health declined, but she did it. In her death, he lost his eyes and ears, and that’s going to be hard on him.

As I pondered this during my run today, it made me think about marriage in general. In the past year, I’ve gone to a few weddings, and at each one I couldn’t help but think to myself that those newlyweds had no idea what lay before them. Marriage truly is a partnership. Help mates get us through life’s ups and downs. There are good times in marriage; the birth of children and grandchildren, great vacations, home purchases and just the fun of having lively family dinners together. But there are so many hard times, too, and it’s those hard times that break or cement a relationship. A successful marriage is sharing in the good times and the bad. It’s helping your mate pick out a casket for his parent, propping them up during grief over a loved one or a lost job. It’s trimming the fingernails of your elderly father in law when your spouse is afraid of hurting him. And it’s holding your mate’s head over the toilet when the flu has taken control and wiping up the mess that comes with that. Surviving those things gives you a connection with your mate that deepens your love for each other as the years pass. Life was not always easy for Mama J. and Papa T.. Besides the glaucoma, they buried two children, two grandchildren and a great grandchild along the way. But they had many good times together, and that will sustain Papa T. in the months ahead. Those memories will prop us up, too. We’ve had several laughs in the past few days about things Mama J. said and did. One day I’ll tell you the grilled cheese story. But for now, I’ll simply ponder the time between the beginning and end of their forty-nine years together and hope to do so well.

How Quickly Things Change

It's funny how you can be on top of the world one day and in a deep valley the next.  We had been basking in the glory of our trip and rushing around trying to get back into our regular routine when devastation hit us like a boulder Wednesday.  Hubby went to Mama J.'s and Papa T.'s house Wednesday evening to take them dinner, just like he does every night, and found Mama J. dead.  We tried CPR, but she was gone by the time he found her, and the EMT's confirmed our fears shortly after they arrived.  They believe she probably had a heart attack. 

While she had not been well for a while, she certainly wasn't giving us any signs of anything out of the ordinary, and we were completely shocked by her death.  We're still in shock.  We laid her to rest today, and for the next couple of days we will try to eliminate some of the complete exhaustion we're feeling.  I haven't been this tired since I gave birth to Teen Angel. 

Our next step will be trying to decide how to best care for Papa T..  We're not sure yet how we're going to do that as we don't really like for him to be alone at any time, and we can't be with him 24/7.  I'm sure the good Lord will show us the way.  We're just trying to take it one day at a time.  This is a difficult time, especially for Hubby and Teen Angel.  Hubby and his mother were close.  Teen Angel and Mama J. shared a special bond, and TA is without one of her best friends.  It all seems so unfair.  We've had so much tragedy in this family in the last ten years.  But it's not for me to ask why.  We'll simply put one foot in front of the other, and move forward.  Your prayers are appreciated, brothers and sister.

Hula-Gen Family Fun Fact #999

Mama J. hates for someone to sneak up on her; an issue that perhaps stems from her childhood trials and tribulations with ornery Cousin Edwin. Really ornery Cousin Edwin.