The Inner Sanctum

Since my last three posts have been about food, I thought I should move onto a different topic, lest you think I’ve developed a tapeworm. Today we’re going to delve into remodeling or as I like to call it, Hula Plucks Herself Bald. We are currently on Week 10, yes 10, of this project. I know this by counting the winkles on my forehead.

We’re far enough along that real progress is being made. In fact, we hope to have all of the big stuff done and the house emptied of workers by the time we leave for vacation next Friday. And I am dropping to my knees in prayer as I say that. If all goes well, we could have the appliances delivered on the 19th, but let’s not talk about it ‘cause that tends to jinx things. (I know, Mia-two weeks, right?) Everything takes “two weeks”.

I should start by explaining why we decided to do so much work on the house. After all, it’s fairly new and is a fine home. However, there were some basic things that HAD to be done such as painting and replacing all of the dirty worn out carpeting. There were also some important roofing, window and exterior door repairs. We knew we could live in the home only if it looked somewhat different than it did when Sissy lived there. We wanted it to be lighter and brighter, so that called for some cosmetic changes. We also wanted it to have certain amenities since we hope to live the rest of our lives in that house. In other words, we wanted it to include the items we’ve always dreamed about and to be accessible in our old age. That amounted to quite a bit of work that we believe will make us comfortable there and significantly increases the value of the home. If we survive the remodeling.

Things are starting to look noticeably different around the house, but there is too much to cover in one post, so I thought we’d focus only on one room today, the master bathroom. It’s one of the rooms I’m most excited about. But before we get knee deep into that, can I just get one teeny tiny thing off my chest? GREAT GERTIE HAVE YOU PRICED AREA RUGS LATELY AND WHO CAN AFFORD THOSE THINGS?!!!!! Okay, back to the bathroom. This is where we started.

And here’s what we wanted to achieve.
The orange wall color had to go. It made the windowless bathroom really dark and was an unsettling color. Whenever I looked at this room, all I saw was brass, brass, and brass. In fact, the whole house is covered in brass, and I have made it my personal mission to wipe out all traces of that gold. We wanted better lighting and needed a new toilet which you can’t see because it sits behind that short wall on the left. The beige countertops were stained and didn’t really match the bright white tile and tub or the earthy floor tile.
I love the floor tile, and it’s staying.
It desperately needed to be cleaned and resealed, though.

There was shiny white tile around the tub that made it sit like some kind of white elephant in the corner, especially when the shower curtain was pulled and hid the white shower. Hubby and I wanted to replace the shower-tub unit with a walk-in tiled shower that we could more easily step into when we’re old and creaky. It would also make the shower roomier for Hubby, who is 6’4”.

The work in that room started with the removal of the popcorn ceiling, which created quite the mess.
That living room mirror you see in the shower has floated from room to room this summer as we try to protect it from various work hazards. I can’t explain the coat rack.

While this was going on I spent a fair amount of time trying to pick a blue for the walls that would be soothing and coordinate with the blue in the floor tile.
Despite the many attempts you see there, I failed miserably, so please ignore the hideous blue you’re about to see in the next photos. It is not staying. In fact, it’s being covered with a few coats of Cottage Cream as I write this.

In the weeks that followed, we got new countertops and faucets.
And the big work on the shower and tub began. The tub moved around alot.
One day I stopped in and it was sitting in the bedroom.

As of this week, it all started to come together. The tub is much better, I think. (Ignore the blue! Ignore the blue!)
And the shower will be beautiful when the clear glass doors are installed. Those are ordered and will be here in, you guessed it, two weeks.

Most importantly, Hubby got his new toilet. He very proudly picked out the Grand Champion model with the oval seat. It can allegedly flush a bucket of golf balls. He’s very excited about the flushing capability. Men. He’s also very exciting about the light/exhaust fan that will sit over the toilet. When the electrician asked why in the world we would spend $150 on the Cadillac of exhaust fans, I had to explain how it would greatly improve the, ahem, lighting for reading purposes in that corner. Like I said, we tried to add the items we’ve always dreamed about, and that was high on Hubby’s list. Let’s just leave it at that.

The next time I show you pictures of this room, it should be finished. And that should be in less than…..two weeks.

Just Keep Waving

Automatic-Made so that certain parts act in a desired manner at the proper time.
Webster’s Dictionary

I think Webster’s has made a mistake. I am surrounded by automation these days, and none of it operates like it’s supposed to when I want it to. I am especially challenged when it comes to making the automated equipment in public restrooms work. I can’t get out of the bathroom without a wave, a stomp, two twists and a thumbs up. I liked it much better when I was responsible for my own flushing, washing and drying. I’m glad all that automation is there to help the disabled and handicapped, but if they have as much trouble operating it as I do, it’s not helping them much.

There is the dispenser that shoots paper towels at you when you wave your hands in front of the sensor. Only, the paper never comes out for me. I wave like the Queen of England in front of that little light but nothing happens. I wave close up, then waaaay back and along the sides, hoping for one little piece of paper towel. Yet, I get nothing. During a full moon on the second Sunday of a month starting with the letter “Q” in a leap year it starts to come out but then jams up, revealing about an inch of paper. Just enough to grasp and yank out more paper….in pieces about the size of a quarter, all of which have to be wadded together in order to form a bundle barely large enough to dry my thumbs. The air dryers aren’t much better. The ones I come in contact with usually don’t work when you push the big silver button. You have to give it a Sugar Ray Leanord whack in order to jumpstart the dadgum thing. By the time you’ve finished drying your hands, your movie has already started.

I have the same problem with the motion sensor faucets. Once again, I wave like Miss America but get….nothing. After trying several sinks I usually yield enough water to wet one hand but not the other. They’re certainly a fine water conservation tool. I’ll give ‘em that.

My latest nemesis is the automatic soap dispenser. Suddenly, they are everywhere I go, and I can’t get the knack of them. They give me soap all right. I just can’t catch it. I pull my hand back too fast, leaving a wad of foamy soap on the bathroom counter. Every…single…time. It takes me two, sometimes three tries to catch the soap. This my friends, is why I don’t play basketball. Can you say lack of hand-eye coordination?


My ineptness reached an all time high this week when I was attending a fundraiser for the local hospital. Sissy and I went to the bathroom and came out laughing hysterically because, well, that’s what we do when we’re together. No, actually it was because I couldn’t get the toilet to flush. It flushed when I stepped into the stall but wouldn’t flush when I was finished. I waved. I moved. I looked for a button. There was none. I stepped back from the commode. I stepped toward it. Nothing. Nada. Zip. I thought perhaps the motion sensor was waiting for some kind of movement from my lower half, so I waved my backside at it. Nothing. I waved a little more vigorously, and then realized what I was doing and got tickled. Out of control tickled. I KNOW my fanny is big enough to catch that tiny beam of light. I opened the door to explain the problem to Sissy, and as we were standing there debating my next move, the darn toilet flushed on its own. Hubby doesn’t understand why it takes me so long in a public restroom. It’s because I have a college degree but can’t figure out how to flush a toilet. I hope they don’t get a wild idea to install automatic toilet paper dispensers any time soon. I'll never get out of there.