Everybody in the Water!

We had a great holiday weekend.  We hadn't made any special plans, but we ended up with lots of folks at our house, and it was a ball.  We became those people who start partying on one day and just keep going throughout weekend.  Just like one of our neighbors.  Minus the keg and the scantily dressed women.  Which reminds me, I should probably check on their wellbeing.  There weren't any kegs or scantily clad women at their house this weekend, which is highly unusual for a holiday.  And I could barely hear their stereo while standing in the street, so something must be wrong. 

It was so hot around here this weekend, we could have all been scantily clad and no one would have said anything.  Really, it was that hot.  96 degrees I think.  It was hotter than the arse of an alligator sitting on the equator.  I haven't weighed yet, but I suspect I'm about three pounds closer to my college weight, thanks to all the sweating I did.  Today's goal?  Hydration. 

The holiday kind of slipped up on us, so we figured we'd keep it simple and just lay around the pool.  On Friday afternoon and Saturday morning I texted and FaceBook messaged some friends and said, "Hey, we're going to be sitting around the pool today.  Come join us if you like."  And they did.  Before we knew it we had seventeen people at the house.  They started arriving at 2pm Saturday and stayed until nearly 10pm.  We grilled hot dogs, ate popsicles and swam, swam, swam.  And at the end of the night we said, "Hey, we'll be here again Monday, so if you don't have anything to do, come on back."  And they did.  So yesterday, they started arriving around 11:30am and stayed until 5pm.  It was like the party never ended, which we loved.  Everybody's kids laughed and played well together.  They wore themselves out in the water, and although I haven't asked, I suspect they all slept very well last night.   I know I did.  Once I took a shower and ate a little dinner, I realized just how zoinked out I was from the heat and the water.  I felt like a wet noodle.  A very satisfied wet noodle.  And the fun thing was that we didn't really plan any of it.  People just showed up.  We didn't sweat over food.  I grilled some hot dogs.  We drank the sodas we had on hand, and when we got hungry yesterday, we just ordered pizza.  Nice and relaxed.  I didn't even get worked up about all the three oversized loads of beach towels I washed this weekend.  I gave 'em a spin in the washer and then hung them over chairs on the patio to dry.  An hour later I rolled them up and threw them in the Man Cave for the next impromptu pool party.  Which I hope is very soon.  I need a few days to prepare for the next one though.  I'm thinking I should probably shave my legs and exfoliate before I get that nekked in front of that many people again.  Forty seven year old legs don't do "impromptu" very well.       

Oh, Hula, where did the week go?

I looked up and suddenly it was Monday morning. And I wasn't sure how I got there. Seriously. I had a three day weekend, but I ran the entire time, starting at 8am last Friday. I finally sat down last night around 9:30am and said, "Self, what was the name of that hurricane that just rolled over my fanny?" Just for fun I decided to name him Phillip 'cause that was the name of the ex-boyfriend that was the biggest pain in my backside way back before Hubby and marriage. He was about a category 4 and left my heart in quite a shambles. I stumbled across a picture of him on Facebook not too long ago, and he looked old and haggard, so I was pleased that the hex I put on him on 1986 must have worked. That noise you just heard was Jesus smacking me up the side of the head. He's probably starting to think I'm slow.


Try as I might, the feeling that the next month and a half is going to overwhelm me is starting to creep into the recesses of my feeble brain. I'm trying to pace myself but Lord have mercy, that train called the Holiday Express is picking up speed. I have several big projects at work involving multiple volunteers which will all culminate during the holidays, and when you combine that with the family Christmas festivities and a dose of what the heck do we do about Papa T. in the midst of everything, it is enough to make me want to curl up in the corner with a 2 liter of Coke Zero, a Pall Mall and reruns of Gene Simmons' Family Jewels. And I don't even smoke. Did I mention I have a droopy bra strap today, too? Somebody remind me to buy new underwear after Christmas.

As I type this I'm baking cornbread so I can dry it out in time to make dressing for our Thanksgiving meal. We have decided the time has come to relieve mama of having to do most of the work. We've been dividing up the dishes over the last several years, but she ends up being the one who does the most cleaning and baking so we told her this year to just show up at SuperCop's house with a ham, and we'd do the rest. I'm on dressing, cranberry relish and pie detail while Mrs. Scrubs, SuperCop, HandyMan and his girlfriend are doing the rest. SuperCop is frying a turkey breast in that new fryer of his, so y'all say a prayer that he doesn't burn down his garage in the process. Nothing puts a damper on a holiday meal like having to call State Farm. Mama tried to downplay the relief in her voice when I told her we were taking the reins this year, which told me we should have probably done it sooner. Oh, she pretended to be a little let down that she wouldn't have to clean up a kitchen, set the table, peel sixteen taters and roll out a gallon sized pot of chicken and dumplin's, but I could hear her humming the Hallelujah Chorus under her breath. We didn't let her completely off the hook, though 'cause it is not a holiday meal in our family without her ham. We cook a turkey at Thanksgiving but that's really just for looks. We nibble on it, but we're pork people through and through, and Mama is queen of the hams. I mean that in the best way possible.

We will gather with Mama and Daddy Wednesday night because of everyone's work schedules, and then we'll take Papa T. to my brother in law's house Thursday. That's two more pies to bake. Just call me Mrs. Smith. I actually love Thanksgiving. It's like Christmas without all the pressure and hoopla. You don't have to worry about gifts, you don't have to spend and arm and a leg (unless you're traveling) and you get to wear your stretchy pants without shame. Can I get an amen on the stretchy pants?

After Thursday, things will get really crazy for me at work, and somewhere in the next few weeks I'll have to do some Christmas shopping. Amazon here it come! I am not a Black Friday shop 'til you drop person. There is nothing at the mall I want that won't wait until 10am. Frankly, there's nothing at the mall I want, but my family does like a couple of presents under the tree, so I'll make an effort at some point. But it won't be on Friday morning. Teen Angel will be there at some ungodly hour with bells on while I will snooze in my bed until the dog wakes me up.

I'll put up the Christmas tree Friday and do my best to keep up with the crazy mishmash of events that will unfold in the next few weeks whether I'm ready for them or not. Somewhere in the midst of all the fanfare and busy- ness I will try to find some quiet time to reflect on the season and to look ahead to next year. I doubt things will slow down much after the first of the year as Papa T's care is still pretty intense, and I don't see that changing any time soon (another post for another day), but it should get a little better once January arrives. We have a little vacation planned then, and we're sure to need it. In the meantime, I'm battening down the hatches and hunkering down for this wave of craziness. My blogging may be a little erratic in the next few weeks, but if you miss me, check the cellar. I'm probably riding out the storm down there in my stretchy pants.

Keep Out

The Hula-gen's make a lot of goodies during the holidays. It seems there is something sitting on the counter marinating, gelling or cooling just about every day, but SOMEONE, and I'm not naming any names, has a little trouble keeping his fingers out of the bowls. Which leads OTHERS to resort to things like this:

Family Fun Fact #622-Holiday Get Togethers

Throughout the years, Hula has always enjoyed spending time with family and friends during the holidays. Hula LOVES a good party. In fact, one time she considered changing her middle name to Festiva.

Occasionally, those get togethers include old classmates and childhood friends. Like this elementary school reunion in 1981, her senior year of high school. Or as Hula likes to call it, the Aqua Net Year. It was the best hair...I mean, year...ever.

Attitude Adjustment

We got these Attitude of Gratitude bracelets at church Sunday. We're supposed to wear them as a reminder to keep a gracious and grateful attitude at all times during the next twenty-one days. If we lapse and say, snarl at the driver who cut us off in traffic this morning (I mean you, Miss Buick) or use a snotty tone with our spouse because he keeps putting the toothpaste in the wrong drawer, then we have to put the bracelet on the other arm and start the 21 day period all over again. Supposedly, it takes twenty-one days to develop a habit. That's why twenty-one days is our goal, or as I like to call it, The Three Week Noose Around My Neck.

Now, the Hula-gen's are prime candidates for this experiment because it is easy for us to lose our grateful attitude. REALLY easy. And in our case our attitude bone is connected to our mouth filter so when that bone breaks, so does the filter. And crap comes tumbling out of our mouths like an avalanche. It's a horrible disease, and we really need to mend it, so I was eager to do this experiment. Only, I didn't realize how hard it really would be. It's a lot like that time I gave up cake for Lent and was ready to gnaw my knuckles off by the tenth day.

Within an hour of coming home from church Sunday, I was in danger of having to move my bracelet to the right wrist, and so was Hubby. You see, we tried hanging pictures together, including a 100 pound mirror. As we measured for the nth time, he mentioned through gritted teeth that he hoped I had gotten it right this time. I paused, took a deep breath and said, "Bracelet!" He smiled and said, "Thank you." Bracelet crisis averted. For the time being anyway.

We've had several ups and downs this week, but I am proud to say I have managed to keep my bracelet on the left wrist for six days, even after helping to put up that gigantic Christmas tree at church this morning that had a tangle of cords called Thine Name is Evil.

The real test is yet to come. Tonight, we have a holiday dinner with Hubby's dysfunctional family. I won't run the risk of ticking them all off at once by spilling family disputes here, so I will just say there are a couple of folks in attendance who will likely make me want to smack them up the side of the head with my two-inch tall pork chop. It will be a real test to see if I can keep my attitude in check and my mouth shut. I should probably take a Band-Aid for the sore I'm gonna get from biting my tongue. Yes indeed, this bracelet comes at a good time. Pray for me brothers and sisters. Pray that I keep my bracelet on my left wrist and don't snap someone in the back of the head with it. I love the restaurant we're going to tonight, and I would miss their coconut cake if I got barred from there for life.

Can You Tell I Didn't Have Internet During The Past Few Days?

Whew! What a crazy week. It feels as if I’ve been away from blogland forever. I hope to be back to visiting your blogs soon, my friends. Goodness knows if I miss very many episodes of The Jason Show, I miss a lot of excitement. He’s the only person I know with a family more lively than mine.

We continued to sort and unpack and put things into place at the new house, and we celebrated Thanksgiving on Thursday AND Saturday. Thursday was a quiet meal at a restaurant with Hubby’s parents, and Saturday was the traditional all you can eat turkey-ham fest at Mama’s and Daddy’s house. Don’t tell my peeps, but I’ll be serving them turkey pot pie tomorrow night. That should wrap up the leftovers, except for the dressing, but I froze that to layer onto a rolled up turkey breast in a few weeks, so I can use up that turkey breast I’ve had sitting in the freezer since that sale at Kroger. They won’t remember where that dressing came from by January. Ah, the games we play in order to feed our families something other than the same old thing.

Saturday was an opportunity to play at length with Special Delivery. He is growin’ like a weed and is running, so he’s into everything now. You know, that part is fun when it’s not your child you have to chase 24/7. It gave me an opportunity to reflect on how far we’ve come in our healing over Sissy’s death and to remember how lucky we are. It also produced my newest favorite picture which Teen Angel took while trying to figure out how to work my camera.

Not bad for a first effort. Not bad at all.

Fun Monday-Holiday Post Game

Our lovely Fun Monday hostess this week is Sayre, and she wants a wrap up of our holidays. Specifically, she wants:

What was the most touching, wonderful part of Christmas for you this year?
AND what was the craziest, stupidest, funniest part this year?

Hmmm. Let's start with funniest first. All my life I have spent Christmas eve and Christmas with family. Those gatherings have always included food. I've never been in the position of being without a place to go or a ham dinner on one of those days. Since I've been married, Christmas eve has generally found us with Hubby's family. For a variety of reasons, that didn't happen this year. In fact, all of our family get togethers were scheduled on days other than December 24th, so me, Hubby and Teen Angel ended up looking for a place to eat Christmas eve dinner. We drove through town expecting to end up at whatever fast food joint was still open. Much to our surprise, we discovered a Mexican restaurant a few miles from our house with an "open" light on. We went inside and found about six other families being waited on by the poor fellow who obviously drew the unlucky straw of being the only server at the restaurant that night. We ate fajitas, chips and salsa for dinner, and I must say, the whole thing made me think about the final scene in A Christmas Story where they're at the Chinese restaurant singing Deck the Halls. As I looked around, I couldn't help but wonder why the other families were in the same position we were, with no place to go on the night before Christmas. It was kind of fun, but definitely out of the ordinary for us.

The most touching, wonderful part of Christmas for me happened December 19th, the day some elementary school students helped me find my Christmas spirit. I've already posted about it, and you can read about it here. It truly brought home for me the value in giving with a full and faithful heart. I hope your holiday season was a good one folks. Now, head on over to Sayre's and see what everyone else has to say today.

Um, I should be wrapping presents and such however.....

What do you do when you still have way to much Christmas stuff to pull together but you're hours away from a week and a half of vacation and hopped up on appetizers? Why, you piddle on the internet of course. Is it narcissistic to do this?

Or this?

And can I tell you how cool I think it is to be on some hot guy's abs AND his cell phone.

Burp. Somebody pass me some more queso dip.

*photos from photofunia.com

Oh Heck No

“Are you ready for Christmas?”

It seems like an innocent enough question, but it isn’t. Not by a long shot. It’s as loaded as a 44 these days, and the answer is “NO!”. It was all I could do not to shout , “No” to the acquaintance who asked me that today. I am not even close to being ready for Christmas. I have purchased a measly three presents. I just got the tree up, and it took me the entire weekend to do that. I have no idea what to get my husband, and my relationship with a particular family member is painfully nonexistent right now. Ah, the season is upon me, and all I can think about is when it will be over. My attitude sucks, frankly.

I don’t get depressed this time of year like some folks, but I don’t really enjoy Christmas like I used to. We used to have big noisy Christmases at our house with lots of presents and a big breakfast, but all of that changed when my nephew died eight years ago. Since his death it just hasn’t been the same. I’ve made an effort for Teen Angel’s sake, but my heart hasn’t really been in it. I enjoy spending time with family and special events at church and with friends, but I hate the commercialism and the spend, spend, spend atmosphere. I just have a hard time shopping when I see families struggling to make a holiday out of an empty wallet or senior citizens choosing between food and medicine. I will never forget as a child standing in the grocery store with my mother at Christmas and watching an elderly blind man who was dirty and shabbily dressed, standing by the country hams. He inhaled deeply and said to no one in particular, “That sho does smell good.” He savored the moment, and obviously a memory and walked away without a ham. He obviously couldn’t afford it. The stores are full of folks like that this time of year, and it breaks my heart. I realize there are so many things to appreciate and enjoy about the holidays, but I feel really torn the whole season between laughter and a lump in my throat. I would be very happy with skipping gifts, attending church and having a big meal with family and calling it a day. But the world doesn’t spin that way, so I must make a better effort to get some perspective on the season.

For about two months now, I’ve been attending Al-Anon, and it’s been a great help in learning how to deal with the alcoholic in my life because it makes me focus on my behavior. They have a saying, “Fake it until you can make it,” which is a way of saying do it until you really feel like doing it. And that’s what I shall do in the next few days, fake it until I feel the Christmas spirit. I know it will come around. It always does. I just can’t keep worrying about it. I have too much to do, mainly shopping. Besides, my band fruit is in, I have a party to go to Friday night, and Special Delivery gets to portray baby Jesus in the March to the Manger at SuperCop’s and Mrs. Scrubs’ church. There’s just something about a baby this time of year……

Time Out

You know, sometimes I look up and realize the good Lord has been tapping me on the shoulder for a while, and I haven't been paying attention. It's so easy to get caught up in the busy-ness of the holidays and forget to breathe, especially when you have a week like I just had. I love my job, but I have several big projects going right now, so every day last week was a kick your butt kind of day. I was exhausted by Wednesday, and still had so much to get done. I was sliding into every stop on two wheels and rushing through one task just to get to another. It was crazy. Early in the week a school teacher called me about doing a presentation to first graders, and even though I really didn't have time for it, I said yes because I make it a policy to never say no to a school unless I absolutely have to. Two days later I arrived at the school at 8am just as I was instructed in order to set up for an 8:30am program. The secretary gave me an uh-oh look, and it took all of ten seconds to realize the school had overbooked, and a larger assembly was scheduled for 8:30am with the entire student body. Frankly, I was too tired to object so when given the choice to delay my program or reschedule I chose to wait because I just didn't have it in me to make another trip to the school the following day. I wasn't really excited about cooling my heels for a half hour because I had so much I could have been doing at work. I went to the car for some money and headed toward the cafeteria to see what was offered for breakfast just to kill time.

Along the way I saw a little girl I knew, and we had a really sweet and funny conversation about her head cold and how her granny had made her hot chocolate that morning and she felt "all better". I stood in line in the cafeteria behind a little girl who hated the smell so much she held her nose the whole time. Another laugh. We snaked our way to the head of the line, and the lunch lady smiled really big and offered me a sausage biscuit. Now, if I had not been so rushed before I left the house I would have eaten my normal dry breakfast of oatmeal and flax seed. Hmmm. Now, I had the opportunity to eat something much more decadent. I accepted it gratefully, and looked around for some gravy. When I reached the cashier, she refused to let me pay, so I ate for free. I was the only grown up eating breakfast, so I grabbed a chair that put me verrrrry low to the ground, and plopped down in the middle of some fourth graders. More smiles. We had great conversation, and when we finished we all headed to the gym for the assembly. It was interesting watching the children be so excited about visitors and seeing how well behaved they were. It made me wonder at what point in my life I had forgotten to be that excited about a new day...every day. The assembly ran long, leaving me with no set up time for my presentation, but by then it didn't matter. I simply shortened my program. The first graders were great listeners, they asked questions that made me smile and all said "thank you" as a group. I loaded up my stuff and left the school about an hour later than I had planned. And you know what? It was okay. Really. The secretary apologized profusely for the mix-up, but I said, "thank you, I needed that". She didn't understand that I got more out of that visit than the kids got from me. I was a better person when I left then when I arrived. As I started the car I smiled because God had given me a little time-out. Just when I needed it, he presented me with a situation that at first glance appeared to be another one of last week's problems but was really a blessing. I had an opportunity to stop and breathe, to eat breakfast with some little folks that made me smile and to get some much needed perspective before I started the next three busy days. I wonder how long He had been tapping me on the shoulder last week before I finally turned around?

In The Express Lane

Some days I wonder how I’ve made it through the day. This has been one of them. Before 8am I had dropped a glass of water, spilled a bag of oatmeal and run into a wall. Head first. As if I don’t walk by that same wall twenty times a day. By 2pm I had managed to cover my black pants in cotton batting and my face in glitter (I was dismantling a parade float), whack a finger with a power drill and cut another finger on a piece of metal. I have roughly six hours to go before bedtime, and I’m a little worried about the way this ball is rolling downhill. I’m not going anywhere near heavy equipment or an open flame.

I consider myself reasonably graceful, but every now and then I have a day where I stumble around like a wino in a funhouse. What can I say, it’s a gift. Actually, it’s a result of moving too fast and doing too many things at one time. It’s a bad habit of mine, and I need to stop. Not only does it cause accidents, it makes me grumpy. And I’m trying very hard not to be grumpy this holiday season. Apparently, I’m trying harder than others. Sissy was in line at the photo center at Wal-Mart last night when the lady behind her yelled at her for taking too long at the picture scanner. This same lady had just rambled on and on with a friend about church and praying for someone in bad health. Hippo-crit. I hate it when people pretend to be all churchy and then act like a turd. Sissy said the lady manning the photo center was just as mean and that the checkout counter was filled with a line of cranky people. Probably folks squeezing too much into their day, just like me. If they’re not careful they’ll find themselves running into walls.

I think we should have a special day before Christmas called “Take a Deep Breath Day”. Maybe around Dec. 20th (that’s SuperCop’s birthday, by the way). We would all agree to slow down, be patient with one another and be nice to everyone all day, even the turds behind us at the photo center. We would also be required to eat pie that day. Pie is good. We all need a little more pie in our life because it forces us to linger over a meal and savor the flavors. (I’m a little disturbed that I worked pie and poop into the same paragraph.)

As for me, I obviously can't wait until Dec. 20th. If I expect to live until Christmas, I need to slow down now. So, I am going to step carefully the rest of today and put myself into a lower gear tomorrow. Oh, and I'm going to find some pie.

Elfing Around

I have been accused of being somewhat of a Grinch when it comes to Christmas. That is completely untrue. I like Christmas. Really. I pinkie swear. Even if I may grumble about the overspending. And the crowds. And the materialism. And the heartburn. And the party/potluck circus. I don’t know where folks got the impression I don’t like Christmas. Unless it was the fact that I didn’t put up a Christmas tree year before last. Or that the 2006 tree was a skinny prelit number I propped up in a corner right before the big day and spent about fifteen minutes decorating. Or that I quit putting up our outdoor lights. Or that I spent a total of about three hours shopping for presents last year. Come on, guys. Just because a gal doesn’t wear jingle bell earrings and a Santa sweater from Thanksgiving until December 25th doesn’t mean she doesn’t like Christmas. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not a yuletide junkie, but I have Christmas spirit. It’s just shy. It doesn’t like to come out of hibernation until around December 20th.

I haven’t always been this way. I used to get really revved up this time of year. I think the death of my nephew in 2000 took the wind out of my ho, ho, ho. He used to spend Christmas eve and Christmas morning at our house, and his absence looms large this time of year. Also, all of our extra obligations during the season started to spin out of control. We could hardly keep up. I felt like a train had mowed me down by the time the holidays were over. Two years ago I started to push back. I didn’t have any choice. It was either that or collapse because in 2005 Papa T. had eye surgery in late November and required a lot of after care. In 2006 we were in the midst of a remodeling project and spent the weeks before Christmas sleeping on a mattress on our dressing room floor. I went into self preservation mode, started saying no and caught a lot of grief over it. Finally, I’m ready to dip my toe in the yuletide waters again and am wading in slowly. Even though I would gladly settle on just a Christmas eve church service, dinner with family and no gifts, I will jingle my bells a little bit this year.

I put up a tree on the day after Thanksgiving. The big one, not the skinny one Teen Angel called a weed. I put a few decorations around the house, and I’ve stirred up a bread starter I will use to make bread for the neighbors. I loaded Christmas music into my iPod last weekend, and I have purchased three gifts. My first holiday party is tonight. And just to show that I’m not a Scrooge, here’s a little gift for you. Thanks to the good folks at Office Max, you can hit this link and watch me shake my booty in an elf suit. When it’s over you can paste your own face in it. Ha! There you go. Merry Christmas, dang it. Ho, ho, ho and jingle all the way. Now, go Elf Yourself while I cook some cocktail wieners for party #1.