I'm Not Contagious, Just Gross

We all have our crosses to bear. One of mine apparently, is my sinuses. If I were Hindu and believed in reincarnation I'd want to come back the next time as something without a nose. Oy vey! I've had it with my nose and the channels that feed it.

Hula has always been healthy as a horse, with one exception, her head. My medical files are thin. I had no real childhood illnesses; no chicken pox, no measles, no mumps. I had no broken bones and was 44 years old before I ever had any stitches. Well, unless you count that episiotomy, but let's not talk about that, shall we? I've spent a grand total of two nights in a hospital, and that was when I gave birth to Teen Angel. The good Lord blessed me with a fabulous immune system, but boy, did he kick me in the backside with the nasal passages. And the flat chest, but let's not talk about that, shall we?

At least once a year, usually in December or February, I have a really good sinus infection, and I blow gunk for days. Gallons and gallons of gunk. So much that I've often wondered where it all came from. I got a big clue a couple of years ago when the dentist looked at my x-rays and blurted out, "Oh, my God!" Thinking I had a big fat cavity, I said, "What? What?" He then told me I had the biggest sinus cavities he'd ever seen. I asked him if he was making a pass at me.

I managed to make it all the way to February this winter before the crud started working its way through my head. I could tell this past Saturday that a mucus party was starting in my head. And the really charming part about my sinuses is that much of my drainage goes down my throat. You're not reading this over dinner, are you? It plays havoc with my throat and eventually my stomach. The only upside to that is that I get this nice sultry Demi Moore voice for about four hours before my voice completely disappears.

There is nothing sexy about a sinus infection, though. You know that Nyquil commercial with all the snoring sleepers? Well, lady number #2 is me.
And I wish I were joking about that. When that commercial popped up on the TV last night, Hubby laughed out loud and said, "There you are!" And he was right. I gurgled, choked and snored so much last night that I woke myself up several times. And all of the sinus medications make my jumpy, so I scared myself every time I woke up. All night long, it was snore, jump. Snore, jump. Snore, jump, gag. Hot, right? It just screams get cha' some of that. Fortunately, Hubby is very understanding. Every time I had a coughing fit in my sleep last night, he patted me gently on the arm. It was kind of sweet actually. Well, except for the part about the snot running down my cheek. Really? You're still eating?

I guess it's a somewhat small price to pay for being healthy the rest of the year. I'll struggle through the laryngitis and the raw nose for yet another time and will likely need a shot in the arse before it's all over. Oh, and the fever blister should show up any day now. I'm so smokin' hot I burn myself. Or is that just the Vicks Vapo-Rub?