Building A Marriage

What's the secret to a good marriage? A good carpenter. Carpenter Ricky is my new best friend. He's the man who's going to save my marriage by building our deck. There are a lot of things Hubby and I do well together. Remodeling and construction are not among those things. Every time we start a project, we risk beginning World War III. It's true. There are some things married folks should just not do with each other. The Hulas should not wallpaper or build together.

We picked up on the wallpaper thing as newlyweds. The house we were renting had a butt ugly bathroom, and the landlords gave us permission to paper it. It was a small bathroom. It was a hot day. It was uncooperative paper. The first couple of sheets rolled off the wall and into the floor. I blamed him. He blamed me. Ugly words were spoken, and I finally suggested that I could finish that little project by myself. Hubby agreed and headed for the yard. Three hours later my bathroom was blue, but I wasn't anymore. It was right about this time we discussed him teaching me to shoot his guns too, and we decided that perhaps that was another thing we shouldn't attempt together because of the liklihood that one of us might lose a foot.

Over the years we have attemped many a remodeling project. It always produces a lot of pain and suffering. Like the time we redid the kitchen, and it was completely taped off and unavailable for three weeks. We are cranky people when we are hungry and have to survive with a grill and a cooler. Or the time we refinished the floors and the fumes from the lacquer made us delirious and unreasonable with each other. It was kind of like that cemetery scene in Easy Rider...without the nud*ty. Even small do-it-yourself projects create chaos around here. There was the time we refilled a waterbed, lost our grip on the hose and ended up spraying water all over the bedroom.

We started planning this deck back in the Spring. We were going to build it ourselves, but Hubby wanted one thing, and I wanted another. He couldn't see my vision. Granted, I probably shouldn't watch so much HGTV, but I wanted so much more than just a rectangle with sideboards. I wanted layers, angles and built in seating. I wanted....a hot tub. As usual, I wanted grand. He wanted simple. We can build simple. We can't build grand, not without professional help. After months of measuring and fussing, we surrendured and called in the big gun...Carpenter Ricky. In 24 hours, he had a plan drawn and a cost estimate. God bless him. He starts next week. In a matter of days, I'll be lounging in my outdoor entertainment area and soaking my muscles in my "Oahu Lounger". Is marriage counseling always this expensive?