Look Who's Cookin'

Teen Angel's prayer parent at church bought her a really cool Williams-Sonoma book on baking. It was so inspiring she baked all weekend.

She made apple pie with crust from scratch, homemade rolls and biscuits and best of all cinnamon rolls.

I think this book is gonna come in real handy for me....I mean her.

So Long Summer

As the sun sets on this holiday, the unofficial end to summer, I am stunned at how fast my favorite season has flown. While I should be grateful for the cooler temperatures and beautiful foliage that's just around the corner, I am, as always, sad. No more bare feet. No more pool. No more smell of freshly cut grass. Summer is drawing to a close, and all I can think about is how long it will be until it rolls around again. Sigh.

Family Fun Fact #842

Mama J. has long had issues with keeping her stockings up. Apparently, it began at an early age. (right)Someone call Barney Fife. His hat is missing and I found it.

Aunt Flow Has Left The Building

And I don’t care if she never comes back. It is official. My doctor confirmed today what I’ve suspected for a while. I am in menopause. And that thud you heard was my pride hitting the floor. Or my sagging butt. For a decade I’ve labored under the delusion that everyone but me was getting older. I’d see a childhood classmate and think, “Wow, he’s really been living hard,” or “What happened to her?” never seeing in the mirror what they see when they look at me. Heck, I’m no spring chicken either. I have my fair share of wrinkles and rubbery skin. Today’s diagnosis, delivered with a comforting smile and a discussion about hormones, smacked me in the forehead. I can no longer deny the truth. I AM going to get old. In fact, on the ladder of aging, I’ve climbed more than half the rungs. As my Aunt Annabelle once said during a disappointing moment, “S**t, s**t, s**t!

Oh, I could pretend I don’t mind aging and throw out all kinds of pearls about how age brings wisdom and wrinkles only go where the smiles have been, but the truth is I’m just vain enough to mourn the loss of my youth and my perky boobs. I do NOT mourn the loss of my period. (And THAT sound was the male readers clicking away to another site, any site that doesn’t talk about menstruation. Sorry guys.) I’m actually pretty excited about Aunt Flow’s disappearance. She’s been a pain in my backside (snort) for years. That news didn’t bother me because of the obvious perk. The news that did was that because of my hormonal changes I need a bone density test. Bone density test?! Isn’t that for women my mother’s age? Why no, Hula. Now’s the time for you to do this because you are a prime candidate for osteoporosis, bony girl. I got the calcium talk, too. Oh, and I need another mammogram. I made an appointment for both tests later this month, so I’ll get squeezed and radiated all on the same day. Can you see the sunbeams of happiness radiating out of my butt?

It was actually my second smack on the forehead in the last week. I went to the dentist last week because of a hot cold sensitivity thing going on in the back on my mouth, and he handed me this.“Noooo, not the Sensodyne,” I groaned. “That’s for people who are getting older.” My dentist, who is my age, thought it was quite funny and suggested we compare knee and foot problems. Which brings me this.
If the foot doctor recommends these on my next visit, I’m outa there. I’ll be off to some breezy Caribbean island where I can go barefoot and I won’t notice these hot flashes.

The Thing That Keeps Me Awake At Night

I love color. I love paint. I just don’t like picking paint colors. It terrifies me to spend a lot of money on paint and then put it on the wall only to find that it’s not the right color. Then I have to live with butt ugly walls until I can afford to paint again. I will labor over a paint choice longer than Palestine and Israel will argue over peace. Ask me to pick a rug. No problem. Done. A new sink? Easy. How about tile? Easy cheesy. Paint? I’d rather you poke toothpicks under my fingernails.

The problem is there are too many choices. For days, I’ve agonized and fantasized about different colors. I know I want light. I know I want warm. I just don’t know how warm or how bright. I’ve narrowed it down to various shades of yellow, green, red and blue. In other words, half the spectrum. Hubby would be happy if we painted everything white. That would satisfy his sense of order and symmetry. I hate white walls. For the first fifteen years of our marriage we had white walls. I finally successfully integrated some beige and yellow into our home four years ago, and I refuse to go back.

See these cans?

These are all of the quart samples I’ve tried so far. The helpful Sherwin-Williams clerk, Jason, and I are on a first name basis. And when another clerk pulled my account up the other day for yet ANOTHER sample purchase, he said, “You sure are doin’ a LOT of samplin’ mam”. Well, yes I am hot young man in white pants. Thank you for noticing and please carry this box of cans to the car.

I’ve rolled samples on every wall, and every night I stand in front of them and hold the same deliberations in my head.

Jersey Cream or Cottage Cream? Jersey Cream or Cottage Cream?

In the master bathroom, I THINK it’s Aqua-Sphere and not Tranquil Aqua. But I'm not sure.It definitely needs to match the tile and this print.
Because…well, because that tile is staying and I want to hang that print over the tub.

I want the guest bathroom to be red…really red. I just don’t know if it should be Salute or Show Stopper. Both of them made me look as if I had cut off my fingers and was bleeding to death while painting the other night.

The dining room will be the green I picture in my head but just haven’t found in a can yet.
And the spare bedroom will be leftover blue or green from the bathroom or dining room. But I don’t know which one!
The most torturous decision of all involves the kitchen and living room. I want gold in there. I’ve tried Humble Gold and White Raisin, but neither one seems quite right. Help is on the way, though. Hubby called me this morning while sitting in the waiting room of the audiologist with Papa T. to tell me, “Hey, Doctor Tony’s walls are the color of gold you’re looking for. I got the paint mix from the lady who works here. You might want to stop by and look at it. Oh, and check out the glossy white on his baseboards. I think you’re gonna like it.”

So tomorrow my friends, I’m going to Dr. Tony’s to ogle his baseboards. And hopefully, the color will be something I can ask for at Sherwin-Williams and get that nice young man with the big biceps to load up in my car. Wouldn’t that be dreamy?

Fun Monday-Television

This week's Fun Monday hostess with the mostess is Jan over at Jan and Jer's. She wants to know what we're watching on television. Specifically:

Since September is just around the corner, all the TV shows will be having their premiers throughout the month. What kind of TV viewer are you? Do you like sitcoms or do you prefer drama. Are soap operas your cup of tea or murder mysteries. Game, variety and reality shows are big this year too. These are just a few examples. Share with us your favorite shows and why you like it or them so much.

Well, Jan, the honest truth is I haven't watched television since sometime in April. Oh, I've turned it on and surfed the channels, but I really haven't sat down and watched much TV in months. It's not that I don't enjoy it. I've just been consumed with the chaos we like to call "life". Things have been crazy for us in recent months, so I'm hoping that by the fall season premieres things will calm down, and we can cuddle up in the Big A** Chair with a bowl of popcorn and the remote control. In the meantime, I'll tell you about all the things I'd watch if I had time.

First of all, 90% of my viewing time is spent with either an old movie on TMC or AMC (love, love, love Cary Grant and Audrey Hepburn) or HGTV, FoodTV and the History Channel. I can thank the history channel for filling in some of the gaps in my high school history, and I can thank HGTV for making me believe I can pour my own concrete sidewalk with a bowl and a butter knife. FoodTV fuels my wannabe pastry chef fantasies and drives my husband absolutely crazy. "Do we HAVE to watch THIS again?" Most of the time I flip on one of those channels and half way pay attention to the tube while I read a book.

I do pay attention sometimes. While I'm selective about what I watch, I do really enjoy certain shows. I like Brothers & Sisters, and Hubby and I have a crazy craving to be on The Amazing Race. I have a feeling we'd be quite entertaining and would likely be bleeped a lot as we cursed our way across Croatia and Zimbabwe.

My favorite show is Damages.

It's fast paced, well written, always surprising and riveting. Glen Close is superb in this show and is sometimes downright spooky. It's one of those shows you have to DVR and watch more than once to pick up on all of the clues to keep up with this thriller.

Same goes for Lost.

It makes you think. And rethink. And rewind again and again to pick up on all of the clues. I like TV that makes me think. And scratch my head.

I try not to miss Saving Grace.I lurv Holly Hunter's flawed character and her interaction with that quirky angel Earl. It's a very adult show but very thought provoking and again, well written. I hope my guardian angel is as fun as Earl.

Grey's Anatomy is one of my guilty pleasures.

Really, who couldn't use a little McSteamy and a little McDreamy? Raise your hand. I didn't think so. I chalk this one up to smutty fun.

My other guilty pleasure is....well, well I hate to admit it but....but....oh, here goes: Iron Chef America.

Yup. I'm hooked. I love the big reveal of the secret ingredient and the surprising ways they can cook something as simple as an ear of corn. Or how the judges will ooh and ah over something nasty made out of chicken livers and cow brains. If I had a nickel for every time I've DVRed this show, I could have paid for my new appliances at Lowes last week with...well, nickels. It's a tad embarrassing to admit it, but it really is one of my favorite shows. I guess it could be worse. I could have said Repo Man. Not that I know what that is. Really, I've never watched it. I swear. Well, maybe once. But only when Hubby had it on.

Now slide off that couch you potatoes, and slip over to Jan's and see what everyone else is watching.

This is What Teen Angel's College Fund Looks Like

1600 square feet of hardwood, waiting to be laid. That explosion you just heard was the sound of my wallet blowing up.