Thursday, May 24, 2007

What Did You Say?

The National Academy on Aging says there has been a sharp increase in the number of younger Americans losing their hearing in the last three decades. I believe that because my family doesn’t seem to hear a thing I say. Did you feed the dog? Huh? Did you feed the dog? What? DID YOU FEED THE DOG?! Hey, you don’t have to shout. I can hear you. Then why didn’t you answer me the first two times? What two times? I asked you twice to feed the dog and you didn’t respond. That’s because I was concentrating on “Guitar Hero”. Well, concentrate on the dog bowl and feed the dog before he gets too old to chew. OR….. Don’t forget we have that wedding to go to this weekend. What wedding? You know D’s wedding. You didn’t tell me we have a wedding to go to this weekend. Oh, yes I did. When? Last week, while we were sitting in the recliners, right next to each other, watching “Desperate Housewives”. I don’t guess I heard you. Obviously not. Sorry, you know I can’t talk and watch Eva Longoria at the same time.

The scientific name for Teen Angel and Hubby’s hearing condition is “selective ignorus”. That means they hear only what they want to hear and ignore the rest. For example, my husband cannot hear my request to take out the trash when I’m standing right next to him, and yet, he’ll knock me down getting to the tv because he heard a Shawnia Twain video while standing in the back bathroom near running water. I can have my hands in a bowl of meat loaf mix and have to answer the phone with sticky fingers because our daughter can’t hear it ringing unless it’s for her.

There is technology to help other hearing conditions. Papa T. can’t hear himself fart but he got some snazzy hearing aids this week that made a world of difference for him. He’s hearing stuff he hasn’t heard in months. I hope researchers come up with a solution for “selective ignorus” soon, because I think it may be contagious. Mom, can I have $20? Huh? You’ll have to speak a little louder. I didn’t hear you.

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