Through The Lens

My daughter wonders why I’m so slow when taking her senior pictures. Until she is a mother she will never understand how long it takes to absorb the beauty and complexity of a creature you have birthed and raised and the bravery it takes to set that creature free as that time nears.

Pretty Baby

Teen Angel and Special Delivery

Oh, that girl loves her new cousin. It seems like just yesterday she was the baby, and we were blowing bubbles on her belly and kissing her ear. As I look at this photo, I have one overriding thought: My baby isn't a baby anymore. In fact, everywhere I look these days is a reminder that she's growing up. That she has tossed aside childish things and is well on her way to becoming a young woman.

For example, the last two years she has earned money during the summer by babysitting several days a week and mowing. This summer, she’ll have her first real job where she’ll earn minimum wage and fill out a time card. She’ll be working at our favorite bakery in town. The job market for teens is pretty tight around here, so we were afraid she might have trouble finding something, but she got a call this week from the bakery owner asking her to “be a part of their team”. She goes in next weekend to work out her schedule. She is excited, and so are we because it was probably the hard volunteer work she did in the church kitchen during the ice storm that earned her the recommendation for the job. For that, I’m very proud. She’s a good worker, and I know she’ll do well.

She continues to practice driving, so she can take her driver’s test this June and hopefully, earn her license. And can I just say I think I’ve done a remarkable job of being calm and not grabbing the dashboard or stomping my imaginary brake pedal while giving those lessons from the passenger’s side of the car?. If all goes well, she’ll be driving solo with the sun roof open in two months. Her first summer of independence. And she has had a couple of dates recently. Aye, yi, yi. Is that ever tough to watch her walk out the door on the arm of a boy who thinks he’s Dale Earnhardt, Junior.

In the last month she has received solicitations from four colleges. It’s time for us to start looking at campuses and weighing the options. From what I understand, now is the time to get on waiting lists because it’s getting harder to get accepted just about anywhere these days. She’s already giving me and Hubby a taste of the empty nest syndrome we’ll feel when she goes to college in a couple of years. She was out of town last weekend on a school trip and will be gone again this weekend. We survived last weekend okay, but it was strange. Not bad. We always spend a lot of time together, so we’re not like those couples who don’t know what to say when they are alone together. You know, the folks who drift apart over the years, held together only by their children. But we are used to being a trio, not a duo, so it felt a little odd to be without her. Like we were missing a limb or something. I’m sure she loved it. It was the first time she took a school trip that one of us did not chaperon. It was time for us to take that step, too. To let her be on the road without us, making her own decisions about responsibility and safety.

There comes a time when you have to start giving them some freedom, to stand back and hope they remember what you’ve taught them, remember what you stand for and make the right choices. You know they’ll make some wrong ones along the way, and that’s what is tough. These are some difficult years, but I know we’ll get through it, and this stage will fly by faster than we expected. We’ll have much grayer hair than when we started. On the positive side, she’s a good kid, a really good kid who will probably do great things and make us proud. And I just might score that amaretto scone recipe I’ve been trying to worm out of that bakery for the last year.

Fun Monday-Out of The Mouth of Babes

It's Fun Monday time, and this week is definitely fun. Mariposa is graciously hosting for the third time, and she's labeled this one "Kids Say The Darnedest Things". Here's her assignment for us:

Yes, they can be your children...your nephew...niece....siblings...just any experience which makes you say...indeed, Kids Say the Darnedest Things! They need not be a lot...but no limit to how many you can share...more means more fun!

I think God presents us with funny moments from our children to keep us from yanking off their heads and tearing them from limb to limb when they're standing on our last nerve and jumping up and down. I love watching kids because they're so honest and funny sometimes. I had a hard time narrowing down the items for this topic because there are so many from which I could choose. I finally picked two. The first features my nephew.

When he was just big enough to walk and talk pretty good, we drove to the Nashville antique/flea market, which used to be a huge event in October on the fairgrounds there. Food and drink vendors were scattered around the grounds, and more than once that day Hubby stopped at a stand and bought a beer, always saying, "Cold beer, please". About two thirds of the way into the day, my nephew was walking hand in hand with Hubby when he pulled Hubby towards a food stand, indicating he wanted something. Hubby walked right over to the stand to buy Chance whatever he wanted, figuring he wanted a corndog. When they got to the front of the line, Chance, who could barely see over the table, propped his elbows on the table, and smiled brightly at the clerk. She said, "What would you like, little man?" His reply? "Cold beeeeer pwease." My sister in law was not amused.

My second story for you today hails from Teen Angel's toddler years. We were on a family outing at a mall near Louisville, Kentucky and once again, my nephew was with us. He was about eight years old at the time. Teen Angel was big enough to walk and string sentences together, but there were plenty of words she didn't know...or I thought she didn't know. I was sitting in the floor of a shoe store, trying shoes on her, while Chance, Sissy and Mama J. watched. An elderly lady was standing near us, and...well....she pooted....silently. We all realized it about the same time, and Teen Angel looked up at me and loudly asked, "Who FARTED?!" Now, a good parent would have shushed her and not made a big deal out of it. But I was so stunned that she knew the word, that I was not thinking clearly. In fact, I wasn't thinking at all. I snorted. And then giggled. I just couldn't help myself. Chance, who had been trying not to laugh, burst out laughing as soon as I giggled. Pleased that she got such a pleasant reaction from us, Teen Angel did what any toddler would do. She started laughing loudly and repeated, "Whooooo farrrrrrted?" Sissy and Mama J. lost it, and none of us could get control of ourselves. The poor, poor woman whom I'm sure was mortified to have been called on her little air biscuit, slid around the corner and out of the store. We were out of control. We laughed until we cried, right there on the floor of Payless, unfortunately sending Teen Angel the signal that it was okay to say that word. She kept repeating it, and we kept laughing. I tried to tell her it was a word she shouldn't use, but the horse was already out of the barn. As if that weren't enough, about a half hour later when we were walking through the mall, Teen Angel spotted that same woman, pointed at her and said, "She FARTED!" I wanted to crawl under a rock. I'm sure that woman thought we were horrible people.

That incident has given us a million laughs over the years. Both memories of my nephew are fond ones, especially since he's gone now. It makes me smile just thinking about them now. I also smile when I think about how he couldn't pronounce the "tr" sound when he was little and used the "f" sound instead. He loved firetrucks and liked to use that word. We spent one whole year clamping our hand over his mouth in the presence of a firetruck.

Oh, I can't wait to enjoy the smiles that await us at everyone else's site today. Follow me on over to Mariposa's to read their stories.

Time Out

You know, sometimes I look up and realize the good Lord has been tapping me on the shoulder for a while, and I haven't been paying attention. It's so easy to get caught up in the busy-ness of the holidays and forget to breathe, especially when you have a week like I just had. I love my job, but I have several big projects going right now, so every day last week was a kick your butt kind of day. I was exhausted by Wednesday, and still had so much to get done. I was sliding into every stop on two wheels and rushing through one task just to get to another. It was crazy. Early in the week a school teacher called me about doing a presentation to first graders, and even though I really didn't have time for it, I said yes because I make it a policy to never say no to a school unless I absolutely have to. Two days later I arrived at the school at 8am just as I was instructed in order to set up for an 8:30am program. The secretary gave me an uh-oh look, and it took all of ten seconds to realize the school had overbooked, and a larger assembly was scheduled for 8:30am with the entire student body. Frankly, I was too tired to object so when given the choice to delay my program or reschedule I chose to wait because I just didn't have it in me to make another trip to the school the following day. I wasn't really excited about cooling my heels for a half hour because I had so much I could have been doing at work. I went to the car for some money and headed toward the cafeteria to see what was offered for breakfast just to kill time.

Along the way I saw a little girl I knew, and we had a really sweet and funny conversation about her head cold and how her granny had made her hot chocolate that morning and she felt "all better". I stood in line in the cafeteria behind a little girl who hated the smell so much she held her nose the whole time. Another laugh. We snaked our way to the head of the line, and the lunch lady smiled really big and offered me a sausage biscuit. Now, if I had not been so rushed before I left the house I would have eaten my normal dry breakfast of oatmeal and flax seed. Hmmm. Now, I had the opportunity to eat something much more decadent. I accepted it gratefully, and looked around for some gravy. When I reached the cashier, she refused to let me pay, so I ate for free. I was the only grown up eating breakfast, so I grabbed a chair that put me verrrrry low to the ground, and plopped down in the middle of some fourth graders. More smiles. We had great conversation, and when we finished we all headed to the gym for the assembly. It was interesting watching the children be so excited about visitors and seeing how well behaved they were. It made me wonder at what point in my life I had forgotten to be that excited about a new day...every day. The assembly ran long, leaving me with no set up time for my presentation, but by then it didn't matter. I simply shortened my program. The first graders were great listeners, they asked questions that made me smile and all said "thank you" as a group. I loaded up my stuff and left the school about an hour later than I had planned. And you know what? It was okay. Really. The secretary apologized profusely for the mix-up, but I said, "thank you, I needed that". She didn't understand that I got more out of that visit than the kids got from me. I was a better person when I left then when I arrived. As I started the car I smiled because God had given me a little time-out. Just when I needed it, he presented me with a situation that at first glance appeared to be another one of last week's problems but was really a blessing. I had an opportunity to stop and breathe, to eat breakfast with some little folks that made me smile and to get some much needed perspective before I started the next three busy days. I wonder how long He had been tapping me on the shoulder last week before I finally turned around?

Out of The Mouths of Babes, Specifically Preschoolers

Overheard at activities for children at our church…

During an assembly:
“Tommy, your class is really sitting still and being good listeners.”
“Well, as Miss C. says if your butt’s in the pew the words are few.”

During a performance by Teen Angel dressed as Mary:
“What’s a virgin?”

During a discussion of Adam and Eve after the word “naked” was used:
“My mommy says I can’t pee outside anymore because my penis will get sunburned.”

Write That Down

Conversation over lunch today at Quiznos while watching a young child get unruly at another table.

Hubby: "I remember those days."
Hula: "Super Nanny would say that someone forgot to tell that child the expectations when she arrived."
Hubby: "What? Like stay seated and behave or I'll get your hind end?" Insert giggles.
Teen Angel: "You know. I'm not going to spank my children when I have kids."
Insert wild laughter from Hula and Hubby and choking on Roadhouse Sammie by Hula.
Teen Angel: "I won't."
Hula: "Maybe not. That's very noble but wait until you've tried everything, your kid still won't behave and you're at your wits end. You'll be surprised at what you resort to."
Teen Angel: "That won't happen to me."
Insert uncontrollable laughter from Hula and Hubby and slight wetting of pants by Hula.
Hula: "I'm just saying, don't make those kinds of statements and expect to live by all of them because people who don't have children eat a lot of crow after they have kids."
Teen Angel: "Well, I won't."
Insert exchange of knowing look between Hula and Hubby.
Hubby: "Let's get a pen and paper and start writing all of these things down and have her sign them so we can bring them up years from now."
Hula: "Oh, yeah. We're definitely writing this down."

No Class

A few times a year I am called upon to visit schools and impart some knowledge upon them about electricity. I've spent the last few days in the classroom, working with 4Th and 7Th graders. And boy am I pooped. I always enjoy it. I love working with the kids, it's a change in my work routine and I get a kick out of helping them to learn something. Middle school kids can be a little stand-offish and preoccupied with the opposite sex or their cherry flavored lip gloss, but they usually warm up pretty quickly. Fourth graders are still excited to soak up new things and love experiments. My favorite are the first graders because they all want to give you big hugs just for showing up and visiting with them. As much as I enjoy my little stints in the classroom, they're always a reminder of why I'm not cut out to be a full time teacher.

Teachers have an incredibly difficult job. The expectations are high, and the stresses are many. It's tough to please parents, please administration, keep up with all the continuing education requirements and educate students who show up each day with a mixed bag of learning issues and family dysfunction. It's hard to stand on your feet all day, constantly trying to keep the attention of fifteen or so kids with limited resources and limited parental support. I have a great deal of respect for teachers, and I would not want their job. For any teachers who are reading this...GOD...BLESS...YOU. The demands and stresses are not ones I want to live with. But there are a few little things about teaching that discourage me from ever wanting to walk in those shoes. Ladies and gentlemen...I give you....the top ten reasons Hula Girl could not be a teacher (aside from all that other stuff I just mentioned.)

10. An aversion to Crispitos and corn dogs
9. An aversion to varicose veins
8. There's no cable TV in the teacher's lounge
7. Grade schoolers on a warm day after recess are stinky
6. I pee on my shoes when I try to use those short toilets
5. Telling kids "what do you mean you didn't get it the first time" is frowned upon
4. Diet Coke during the day isn't allowed
3. You have to leave out all the really good stuff about history like Presidential affairs
2. Kids like to pick their noses and scratch their butts right before they hug you
1. Whacking bad students up the side of the head while shouting "to the moon, Alice" is not allowed.

For these reasons and more, I shall keep my teaching stints short, but I relish the opportunities they give me to share with kids and grow in my appreciation for the folks who stand up in front of a classroom every day and educate our children. To those of you who do....thank you, thank you, thank you....and may the force be with you.

The Sky is Falling, The Sky is Falling

Brothers and sisters, if you are not right with the Lord you need to get right. The end is coming soon. Of this I am sure. How do I know? Yesterday I came home from work to find that my darling 15-year daughter, without any prompting by an adult, had cleaned out and organized one of my kitchen cabinets. I kid you not. If I'm lyin' I'm dyin'. See?

By the way, those Dove chocolates are NOT mine. I promise. I don't like dark chocolate. Not one tiny bit. Now, milk chocolate is an entirely different thing. I can't tell you why I have two bags of lentils, either. And can you tell we are mandarin orange freaks? Anyway, she cleaned, sorted, tossed and organized until it looked all neat and tidy. She even thought about alphabetizing the canned goods but knew that system wouldn't last with me, so she refrained from doing so. Whew! Thank goodness I dodged that bullet.

She says she was looking for something, couldn't find it because of all the clutter and started cleaning out of frustration, which is the only way I'm ever prompted to clean a cabinet, so I completely understand her reasoning. I just can't believe it. That's why I'm a little concerned that the rapture is near. Let's face it. It has to be one of these reasons:

A. The end is near as I just mentioned

B. She inherited her father's annoying OCD tidy gene and it is just now surfacing

C. She wants something and she's buttering me up

D. We are not complete failures as parents and she is maturing nicely

Well, she hasn't asked for anything yet and she is incredibly sloppy in other ways, so I don't think the answer is B or C. D doesn't seem plausible either since we screw up in our parental duties on a regular basis. It has to be A. So get down on your knees, brothers and sisters, and repent of your sins. Say some Hail Mary's, summon the Dahli Lama, rub Buddah's belly or do whatever you need to do to get ready. Ice crystals are forming at Satan's palace as we speak.

By the way, Teen Angel got a big hug and kiss over this one. I love that child. Have I mentioned that lately?