No Class

A few times a year I am called upon to visit schools and impart some knowledge upon them about electricity. I've spent the last few days in the classroom, working with 4Th and 7Th graders. And boy am I pooped. I always enjoy it. I love working with the kids, it's a change in my work routine and I get a kick out of helping them to learn something. Middle school kids can be a little stand-offish and preoccupied with the opposite sex or their cherry flavored lip gloss, but they usually warm up pretty quickly. Fourth graders are still excited to soak up new things and love experiments. My favorite are the first graders because they all want to give you big hugs just for showing up and visiting with them. As much as I enjoy my little stints in the classroom, they're always a reminder of why I'm not cut out to be a full time teacher.

Teachers have an incredibly difficult job. The expectations are high, and the stresses are many. It's tough to please parents, please administration, keep up with all the continuing education requirements and educate students who show up each day with a mixed bag of learning issues and family dysfunction. It's hard to stand on your feet all day, constantly trying to keep the attention of fifteen or so kids with limited resources and limited parental support. I have a great deal of respect for teachers, and I would not want their job. For any teachers who are reading this...GOD...BLESS...YOU. The demands and stresses are not ones I want to live with. But there are a few little things about teaching that discourage me from ever wanting to walk in those shoes. Ladies and gentlemen...I give you....the top ten reasons Hula Girl could not be a teacher (aside from all that other stuff I just mentioned.)

10. An aversion to Crispitos and corn dogs
9. An aversion to varicose veins
8. There's no cable TV in the teacher's lounge
7. Grade schoolers on a warm day after recess are stinky
6. I pee on my shoes when I try to use those short toilets
5. Telling kids "what do you mean you didn't get it the first time" is frowned upon
4. Diet Coke during the day isn't allowed
3. You have to leave out all the really good stuff about history like Presidential affairs
2. Kids like to pick their noses and scratch their butts right before they hug you
1. Whacking bad students up the side of the head while shouting "to the moon, Alice" is not allowed.

For these reasons and more, I shall keep my teaching stints short, but I relish the opportunities they give me to share with kids and grow in my appreciation for the folks who stand up in front of a classroom every day and educate our children. To those of you who do....thank you, thank you, thank you....and may the force be with you.