Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Santa Baby

Dear Santa,
I’ve been an awfully good girl this year. No need for independent verification on that. Just take my word for it. And I really see no need to get my husband’s opinion on that either. I’m sure he’d tell you the same thing. What? No. That is not my fingers crossed behind my back. I have arthritis, and they’re stuck that way. Anyhoo, in light of my excellent behavior I’m forwarding my Christmas list to you in hopes of some special treats under the tree in a couple of weeks. These are listed in no particular order.

1. A red, 1957 T-bird convertible. Blue or white would be okay, too, but red is my favorite. With sunglasses and a scarf I could pretend to be Grace Kelly. Come on, Santa. We’ll have fun, fun, fun until the state police take my T-bird away.

2. A permanent solution to this gray hair thing that keeps cropping up. Not only have I gone from a “once in a while” color to a regular dye schedule at my stylist, I’ve had to bump up my last few appointments. I WILL NOT go gray before I’m 80, so we need to do something about this. This is getting old.

3. A non-surgical boob lift. The girls are getting a little tired, and I’m scared of the whole cosmetic surgery thing. Ya’ got anything to jack those puppies up that doesn’t require a blade and anesthesia or twenty pounds of lycra?

4. One of those snazzy new treadmills with an iPod jack and speakers. How cool is that? I could lose my hearing and get fit at the same time.

5. Low calorie margaritas. Maybe you could put them in 100 calorie packs like Nabisco does its cookies. I’m thinking little juice boxes with a straw.

6. Some bling would be nice. Something in the two carat range because, despite what men say, you can never have a diamond that’s too big for your hand. That’s just crap they make up because they don’t want to spend a few grand on something that doesn’t run down the street on two wheels and is referred to as a“ hog”. Not that we’ve already had that discussion in my house or anything.

7. A condo in the Caribbean. I’m not really too picky about the location, but I’m awfully fond of Aruba. Just a teensy, weensy house near the beach? Pretty please, with sugar on top? I’ll quit swearing if you give me this one. Well, at least I’ll quit saying the really, really bad words…when people are around.

8. And finally world peace, because I would sound terribly selfish if I didn’t ask for something like that. Gosh, who doesn’t want world peace. Do I even need to write this one down?

So, there you have it. If you need any more information like my ring size (5)or favorite hair color (San Tropez) just let me know. Have your people call my people and we’ll work it out. Okay? In the meantime, take care of yourself and watch out for those cookies at the gray house up the street. They're always dry. Oh, and if none of the above items are available, I’ll just settle for some perfume, an iTunes card and world peace…especially world peace.

Hugs and kisses,


Jason said...

I hope you get everything on your list. Or at least some of it. Or at least one of the things.

janjanmom said...

Very good girl...hahahahahaha. You are so funny!!

Mama Mia said...

"on Christmas Island your dreams come true"
Jimmy Buffet "Christmas Island"
Have a great one hula!!

hulagirlatheart said...

Well, pretty good...kinda.