Wednesday, April 27, 2011

The Ten Commandments of Wal-Mart

1. Thou shall have no new carts before all of them have acquired at least one bad wheel and a missing handle cover.

2. Thou shall not take images with the cell phone camera for the People of Wal-Mart website if it’s someone you work with, go to church with or are related to.

3. Do not take the name of the Lord in vain while using the self checkout lane. It’s not his fault the dadgum thing never works.

4. Remember the two sides of each aisle and keep them holy. Blocking the entire aisle with your cart while you talk at length to your cousin Reba can get you smacked in the backside by my….I mean, “a” cart.

5. Honor the space between you and the person checking out in front of you. Stop crowding please.

6. Thou shall not kill the shelf stocker for moving things around AGAIN. It’s not his fault.

7. Thou shall not commit blasphemy because only two checkout lanes are open.

8. Thou shall not steal more than one glance at the customer wearing a camo jacket, flannel pajama pants and house shoes in the meat department.

9. Thou shall not bare thy backside and show thy thong by bending over the dairy case in low riders.

10. Thou shall not covet thy neighbor's spot in line…way ahead of you.

So sayeth the Hula Girl at Heart


A New England Life said...

I've never been to the people of walmart website before. What a hoot!

Gosh how I hate that place sometimes. One of the walmarts we go to on occasion is very redneck. You never know what you'll see but usually its a lot of people missing teeth. The other 2 walmarts we shop at are much better. Most customers seem to have all their teeth, aren't screaming at their kids, and don't look like they just stepped out of a hole.

Can't believe I just said that : /

Lately I'm becoming more and more of a Target girl.

The Church Lady said...

LOL! Great analogy! The joys of shopping at Wallyworld!

Jan n Jer said...

LOL...that first one is my pet peeve...the wheels on the cart either squeek very loud or one is stuck and it takes all your strength to push it!!

J.G. said...

Good idea on #8. He/she is probably armed.

Louisiana Belle said...

Because of all these reasons I avoid Wal-Mart like the plaque that it is! Ugh. #4 and #5 are the biggest transgressions that make me want to use the Lord's name in vain and more...

the parishioner who doesn't do anything said...

I wonder how many times poor Sam Walton has rolled over in his grave. I think his mottoes were "American made" and "No more that 3 in a line." Of course, that was so long ago, I might not have that quite right. I needed that laugh today, especially since I'm headed to WalMart in the morning.