Ready, Set......

Whew! We escaped the first round of snow with nary a flurry. However, the second round has moved in, and there are plenty of flakes in the air. See.

The forecast says up to six inches, but I’m hoping for no more than three. This stuff isn’t supposed to end until early tomorrow morning, so I won’t have any idea what I’m dealing with until I wake up in the morning. I’ll be doing the dance of joy if this system slides north and we get little accumulation. One thing’s for sure, the wind is a killer right now, and it needs to die down significantly in the next twelve hours or it could be a real problem. I’m planning for the worst and hoping for the best.

Ear band-check
Sock cap-check
Vaseline to protect and warm face-check
Chap stick-check
Neck gaiter-check
Under Armor, top and bottoms-check
Dry weave shirt-check
Wind pants-check
Wind jacket-check
Gloves-check
Hand warmers-check
Thin socks-check
Thick socks-check
Plastic bags to layer between socks-check
Extra socks-check
Trail shoes-check
Duct tape to insulate and waterproof trail shoes-check
Racing bib-pick up before 5:30am
Energy gels-check
Bananas-check ($1.39 a pound today!)
Smart Water-Hubby is picking up
Bag of dry, clean clothes-check
Fanny pack-check
Mental health evaluation-postponed

Out In The Cold

This fourteen mile Trail Run coming up Saturday is a rain or shine event. It’s going to take place regardless of the weather conditions since there are people flying in from all over the county for it. Here’s the thing..our weather forecast for this weekend stinks…to high heaven. Stinks like a pig’s fanny. Like a two hole outhouse in August. Like a school cafeteria on kraut and wiener day. It‘s bad. It started going downhill at the beginning of the week and just keeps getting worse. I’ve worn out the refresh tab on my computer checking in with AccuWeather. And Ticketmaster-Jimmy Buffett tickets went on sale Monday. I could use a little Margaritaville because here’s what the weather service is saying about our weather:

Friday: Winter Storm Watch. Windy, cold and wet with 1 to 3 inches of snow. Wind chill of 34 degrees.
Friday night: 1 to 3 MORE inches of blowing snow. Low in the 20’s.
Saturday: Breezy and cold. Wind chill of 25 degrees.

You know, something like this…

Here’s what I’m hearing: Blah, blah, blah, sunny and warm….blah, blah, blah, UV index of 34…blah, blah, blah, heat advisory…blah, blah, blah, light southerly breezes.

You know, something like this….

Jiminy Cricket! It’s going to be ugly at 6am Saturday. I’ll have to layer up and peal off as I warm up…if I warm up. Thank the Lord for Under Armor. I went to Wal-Mart to buy a new sock cap since my old one is stretched out. The only ones I could find had NASCAR emblems on them. Nice. I finally dug a plain, black one out of the 70 cent clearance bin. There are two positives I see in this mess. Number one-I’ll have to move faster to stay warm (and to avoid all that snot slinging), so my time might be better than anticipated. Number two-I’m so slow some 300 runners should be ahead of me knocking the snow off the trails for me. Remind me again why I thought this would be fun.

The Curiosity Factor

I once supervised a young reporter who was well known for asking Bill Clinton a most unusual question. A few years before she came to work for me, she stood up at a campaign forum and asked the then presidential candidate, “Boxers or briefs, sir?” It was the question heard round the world at the time, and she always seemed rather proud of it. I didn’t understand why since it struck me as ridiculous. You get the attention of the future president of the United States and the only thing you can think to ask him is what kind of underwear he wears? What a missed opportunity. However, I do understand the curiosity factor. I’d be less than honest if I didn’t admit that I have all kinds of trivial questions for well known people, stuff that doesn’t matter but I’d really like to know, mostly because I’m nosey. For instance:

1. Does the Pope ever get to wear pants?
2. What did Paris Hilton score on her ACT test?
3. Does Amy Winehouse’s head itch from all the drugs and hairspray?
4. Does Richard Simmons ever eat donuts?
5. Has Oprah ever been overdrawn on one of her checking accounts?
6. Did Mr. Rogers ever swear?
7. How much plastic surgery has Wayne Newton had?
8. How did John McCain hook up with such a hot looking wife?
9. How much does Donald Trump pay for that bad haircut?
10. Is Barrack Obama tired of smiling yet?
11. Is Al Gore secretly glad now that he didn’t get elected then?
12. Does President Bush ever want to just sit down and cry when he’s having a bad day, or week or month?
13. How much ice cream do Ben & Jerry eat?
14. Does Nicole Ritchie have stretch marks now?
15. Does JLo have stretch marks now?
16. Does Matthew McConaughey wear boxers or briefs?

Okay, your turn now. What useless, nosey information do you want to know?

Blessed Be the Tie That Binds

Dear Lord,
Forgive me, for I have sinned…again. It’s been umm..24 hours since my last confession. Can I get some kind of rewards card for stopping by so often? You know, like frequent flier miles? First of all, let me say I’m really sorry for that ugly word that slipped out of my mouth this morning when the soda machine was out of Diet Coke. It was early, I was sleepy and dadgum it, it was the second day in a row that I had to settle for Coke Zero. I know it shouldn’t matter, and I should be happy that I live in a place where I have fresh, clean water at my fingertips, but it did matter..and I wasn’t very nice about it. I’ll try to do better tomorrow.

I really liked what you did with the weather over the weekend. That sunny 73 degree trick you pulled was pretty snappy, and I was kind of hoping you could do it again this Saturday, if it’s not too much trouble. You see, I have this loooong race that starts at 6am and right now the forecast is calling for temperatures to be in the upper 20’s about that time. That’s a wee bit chilly for this summer baby, and I’d love it if you could kick things up a notch…or two…or three. If it’s really cold, I’ll be slinging snot all morning long, and let’s not get into that whole porta-potty thing. Anyway, whatever you could do about the weather would be greatly appreciated by my extremities. Couldn’t we swap with Argentina for the day? Okay. Okay. Just asking.

I’m pleading for a little wisdom today. This teenager thing is killin’ me. I don’t know if I have the strength for all the drama that comes with raising a fifteen year old girl and an overprotective husband. He can’t let go, and she’s shredding apron strings faster than I can tie them. She can’t even date yet, and it’s already crazy. Was I that emotional when I was that age? Whew. I didn’t think so. What? Maybe a little? Surely not? Well, remind me to double check with Mama on that one. I really don’t think I was, but you da’ man. If you say it’s so, it must be.

Speaking of Mama, help me to be patient with her in the coming week. She’ll be like a worm in hot ashes right before Super Cop’s wedding, and I get snappy with her when she gets all twitchy and doesn’t just relax and have a good time. Help us ALL to be patient with Papa T. and his bad attitude toward the cane. That little incident at Logan’s Steakhouse was downright childish, and I thought Sissy was going to whack him with that cane. Always help me to be mindful of how tough it is to lose your hearing, vision and independence. Well, I gotta’ go. I have to squeeze in a little more stretching tonight. Gotta’ keep those calves loosened up for Saturday. Clear your calendar for a long chat with me Saturday morning, say three hours or so. I have a feeling I’m going to be doing a lot of praying that day. You might want to prepare yourself. I may talk your ear off. Bless all the starving children, our soldiers in harm’s way and the old folks who are choosing between groceries, heat and medicine this week. And God Bless Coca-Cola.

Amen.

Bottom of The Bag

The bottom of my purse never ceases to amaze me. I go digging around in there at least three times a day and take my life into my own hands each time. The mixture of stuff that accumulates in there is an amazing array of animal, mineral and protein. I’m not even sure how most of it gets in there. For an accessory that is designed to hold money and essential papers it sure does contain a lot of crap.

Here’s a small sample of what I found in there today: A half eaten roll of SweeTarts, nasal spray, stinky lotion from a Tennessee hotel, an empty tube of hand sanitizer that came from a goody bag at a charity event, a blue bead of unknown origin, five old sticky cough drops, an empty Dramamine bottle and twelve old receipts. Also, three kinds of sinus medication, a pair of gold earrings in a jewelry box and an appointment book I’ve never used. We won’t discuss the thirteen packets of Sweet ‘N Low or random orange flavored Tic Tacs rolling around in the bottom.

This is a good day. I’ve pulled all kinds of stuff out of there before, especially when Teen Angel was younger. I’ve reached in and found baby food, toys, teethers, dog collars, half eaten suckers, Cheerios and at least one stale Circus Peanut. Peer into a mother’s purse and you can likely guess exactly how old her children are. I can’t blame the Circus Peanut on her, though, I found that in there just a couple of months ago. I ate it, too. I’m sorry.

My mother in law used to carry the queen mother of all purses. She should have been on Let’s Make A Deal. No matter what you needed, she had it. You could be in the middle of a dessert and need an ice cube, and she’d have at least six in the bottom of her pocketbook. When they’ll hold five pounds or more of stuff they are no longer a purse. They are a pocketbook. Pocketbooks are usually black and carried by women over fifty years old. It usually contains at least one plastic rain bonnet and two tubes of Mocha Berry lipstick. Mama J. had to give up the big purse when she started using a walker. She now carries a much smaller purse that won’t topple off the seat of her walker when she’s moving. She misses the pocketbook. I can tell.

I think girls are groomed at a very early age to carry a purse. We become attached to them very quickly and get separation anxiety if we’re away from them too long. On the rare occasion I roll without a purse, I feel empty handed, like I’ve forgotten something. It goes with me everywhere and becomes a vessel for anything my family doesn’t want to hold. Then I go for months without cleaning it out. I’m not alone on this, though. At a wedding shower one time we played “Dump Your Purse”. You got a point for each of the items on the host’s list that you had in your purse. One woman had all 22 items, including the duct tape and screwdriver. It’s amazing what a woman’s purse contains. It’s amazing what my purse contain on any given day. It’s a shame it doesn’t contain any money.

Things That Make Me Smile

Watching a newborn baby sleeping peacefully on her daddy's chest in church.

The way that baby's grandpa couldn't take his eyes off his first grandchild throughout the entire service.

Papa T. singing "I Love To Tell The Story" even though he can't see the large print songbook. The fact that he knows all of the old hymns by heart.

Sunny 73 degree weather on the second day of March.

Riding a big old clunky bicycle on a warm sunny day and putting my feet on the handlebars while the wind whips through my hair.

They way my dieting Hubby went from surly to bubbly with just one cheeseburger.

Daffodils waking up in the backyard and stretching themselves in the sun.

Laughing and telling stories on the front porch with my family.

A bowl of homemade soup and a plate of apple crisp.

Especially sunny 73 degree weather on the second day of March.

Oh, What a Wonderful Day

What a difference a couple of days makes when it comes to weather in Kentucky. Earlier this week it was windy and cold. Today it was unseasonably warm, sunny and beautiful. I went from being a cranky old whiner to a bubbly energetic fool. A taste of spring does my soul wonders.

I've had a great day. I ran a large stretch of the Trail run course today. Let's just say I'll probably do a lot of praying during the race. I managed okay today, but the full course will obviously kick my butt plenty. These were some of the hardest miles I've ever run. It didn't help that I had to pee most of the time. I was afraid to slip behind a tree because every time I thought the coast was clear, up popped a runner or biker. Thank goodness for that concrete retaining wall sitting just off the trail. I left feeling pretty good because today's run made me familiar with the course and helped me get my mind right about the race.

I drove my little red coupe. That made me feel good, especially since I got to open the sun roof. Then I came home to find a wonderful surprise. Janjanmom had returned the dishes I used to fix her dinner this week and tucked inside was a daffodil covered thank you note AND a bag of Circus Peanuts AND SweeTarts. You know how I love a good fresh Circus Peanut or a SweeTart. Yippy Skippy! How lucky can a girl get? Thanks Janjanmom. You know me well.

To top off the day I was doodling around at margaritaville.com looking for tour dates for Jimmy Buffett when I found the most fabulous, magnificent, stupendous things. How perfect are these?

Flip flops with Hula Girls! Pinch me, 'cause I think I'm dreaming. Two of my favorite things rolled into one delicious shoe. The only problem is deciding between the white and the pink.

Or the ones with margaritas.

Or palm trees.

What do you think? I think I like the hula girls best. Come on Spring! Mama needs new shoes. Ah, I love a perfect day.