The Crack of Dawn Derby

4:50am-The phone rings.

That’s the bell….and they’re off! Hula takes an early lead out of the shoot, grabbing the phone on the second ring. Oh no! It’s a fall at Mama J.’s! Hubby gains some traction, lengthens his stride and pulls ahead of Hula by a nose. Both of them are out of the house and next door at rare speed. Man! Look at ‘em go! It’s Hubby in first, Hula in second and no other racers in sight. Hubby holds onto his lead, but Hula stays with him. In the first turn, Hubby pulls farther into the lead, picking Mama J. up off the bathroom floor with a smooth two handed move and plopping her onto the toilet seat. Hula edges closer and rips apart the Aqua Net helmet to find a one inch gash on the back of Mama J.’s head and blood, lots of blood. We have an injury folks! And it looks like it’s going to need stitches. Both racers are moving fast now. They are neck and neck as Hubby charges out the back door and into his house for clothes. Man! That’s the fastest we’ve seen that animal move in a long time. He’s in fine form this morning, despite the early hour. In no time at all he’s headed around the second turn in yesterday’s shorts and t-shirt, making his way to the van in what could be record time. Hula is making a move though. She’s applying direct pressure and pulling on Mama J.’s polyester pants and sweater in a manner you only see in a well trained caregiver, folks. It takes a lot of practice to dress a senior citizen that fast. It looks like she’s losing a little steam, though. Those slip on shoe are slowing her down. No, wait! Here she comes again around the second turn regaining her stride. She’s got Mama J. in the van with her walker AND her purse. We’ve got ourselves a real horse race this morning folks. These two are giving it their all this time.

Hubby is looking good. He’s got the van on the highway and headed to the hospital, all before the sun comes up. Hula is keeping stride. She’s got to get ready, wake up Papa T. and medicate him and get Teen Angel to school before she goes to work. She’s got her work cut out for her before she enters the third turn. Fortunately for her, Teen Angel is cooperating this morning. You never know about that one. She’s a wild card. Hula pounds down the backside with a curling iron in one hand and Papa T.’s Nexium in another. She’s got the eye drops in. She’s got the hearing aids in AND her clothes are on with just a little less than a quarter mile to go. Hubby is keeping pace, though. The ER is remarkably empty and Mama J. is in X-ray before you know it. It’s anybody’s race at this point. Here we go around the final turn. It’s Hubby by a length! Hubby by a length and Hula right behind him. Look out! She’s making her move. Here she comes! She’s pouring it on strong now. She’s got Papa T. medicated, Teen Angel is in the car and they’re backing down the driveway. It’s Hubby by a half length and Hula on the move. Hubby is losing steam. The stitches are taking longer than expected. He’s got an ER handicap. They’re in the stretch. Hubby by a nose and Hula right behind him. Watch out! They’re neck and neck. Hula is in the school parking lot. She’s dropping off Teen Angel and squealing down the street. She’s pulling ahead folks. I think she’s going to do it. Yes! She is! She’s pulling ahead!! Hubby is giving it all he’s got, but he just can’t seem to check out of the ER quick enough. She’s got him! Yes, she does! She is at work just in time! They are across the line, folks. It’s Hula by a nose. Hula takes the win and Hubby takes a very close second. What a race we had today, folks. A fabulous race. It’s always a fun race when these two go at it, but Hula was just a little stronger today. Don’t worry though. I’m sure we’ll see these two at it again soon. There are plenty more races left in this geriatric season, and this won’t be the last time we see those two run for the title. Be sure to join us in two weeks for the Milk of Magnesia run. That’s always an entertaining race..and fast, very fast folks. You won’t want to miss it.