The One Where I Sound Like my Mother

It’s my understanding that the most popular Halloween costume for men this year (just ahead of Joe the Plumber) is Heath Ledger’s interpretation of The Joker from the latest Batman movie. That mask has sold like $2 a gallon gas. I haven’t really heard much about women’s costumes, but without checking any resources I can tell you that the most popular costume for women is the Ho. That’s right, the Ho. Followed closely by the wench, the slut and the ever popular tart. A trip through the local Halloween store this past weekend left me standing in the middle of an aisle barking out loud, “Where are the costumes that don’t make women look like ho’s?” And you know what? No one even noticed my rant. I felt like the Maytag repairman. Lonely, very lonely in my thoughts.

Teen Angel is trick or treating for UNICEF Friday and going to a Halloween party afterward, so we went to find a costume. Before we ever entered the store, I gave her the speech to not even go near the trashy stuff. That I had no intention of buying anything that left her participles dangling. The problem was that didn’t leave much to choose from. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING for females over the age of twelve looked like something you’d wear to a party at the Playboy mansion. Even the most innocent of characters had been turned into something sexual. Characters whose authors would probably roll over in their graves if they could see these interpretations. There was Little Bo Peep.

She’s a nursery rhyme character for goodness sakes. Nursery, as in book material for babies and toddlers. Why, she needs a sheep just to keep warm in that get up.

And I don’t know about you, but I don’t remember Raggedy Ann ever looking like this. My Raggedy Ann doll had more..um..skirt…and less cleavage.
I doubt Lewis Carroll had this in mind when he envisioned the Queen of Hearts. And did the folks at Rainbow Bright actually approve this version of their Saturday morning kids’ character? Surely not.
And I've never seen this in the bible.

As if that weren’t enough, every pair of shoes in the store was hooker heels, just like these.Call them platforms. Call them anything you like, but any way you slice it, they’re hooker heels.

Look, I’m no prude. I did the Rocky Horror thing in my time, but honestly my skirt came to my knees, and I wore a blouse. There are plenty of consenting adults who will wear these costumes to parties this year for some naughty fun, and that’s fine. But what bothered me most was there were practically no costumes that weren’t some form of lingerie, and that store was full of girls who appeared to be 17, 18 and 19 years old, buying these costumes for frat parties and other get-togethers that involved drinking. As I waited for a dressing room with a frustrated Teen Angel I listened to these girls and their chatter. They obviously gave no thought to the message they would be sending to everyone who saw them in those costumes or the situation they might be putting themselves in by throwing drunkenness into the mix. My mama always said if you want a man to treat you like a lady, you should act like one. Call me old fashioned, but I think she was right. Who would have thought that the scariest costumes this year had nothing to do with blood or gore?

*Images from Halloweenexpress.com