Moving On

Friday
9:30am-Hubby and S. begin drive to Sissy’s condo with moving van.
3:30pm-Hubby and S. arrive at Sissy’s and immediately start packing.
6pm-Try to nap while waiting for Sissy to get to my house. (Sissy’s been at our place for the last few weeks.)
6:05pm-phone rings. Mama J. has a question.
6:15pm-phone rings. Hubby calls with update on progress.
6:30pm-nap isn’t happening. I eat a bologna sandwich and do laundry.
8:30pm-Sissy arrives. Long drive to her house begins.
8:41pm-incessant gossip about the rest of the family
11pm-pull into convenience store for potty break, gas and snack.
11:05pm-compliment bladder on cooperation up to this point
11:10pm-buy large drink
11:15pm-back on the road. More incessant gossip.
1:30am-arrive at Sissy’s to find that Hubby and S. have packed the kitchen and two bathrooms.
1:31am-drop to knees for prayer of thanks that kitchen and two bathrooms are packed.
2am-go to bed.

Saturday
7am-Wake up and jump in clothes.
7:15am-eat Krispy Kreme donut bought at convenience store the night before. Make a note to stick with running schedule next week.
7:25am-start packing.
9am-drink Diet Coke.
10am-scarf down cold piece of pizza Hubby bought the night before.
10:15am-buy more moving boxes at U-Haul. Keep packing.
11am-bang shin on table. Curse loudly. Apologize to child in the room. Look around to see if child’s parents heard me.
11:05pm-gather friends and family to figure out how to move heavy hot tub off patio and into the truck since crack smoking professionals want $700 to move it.
11:10am-tilt hot tub on side. Almost drop on Hula Girl’s head while she’s underneath bracing dolly.
11:12am-roll hot tub end over end to the corner of property.
11:30am-eyeball length of distance between hot tub and moving van parked on the street.
11:31am-decide to heck with picky homeowner’s association and drive moving truck into the backyard creating, gasp, a big, fat rut.
11:52am-maneuver hot tub onto truck lift and into truck.
12pm-hi fives. Drop to knees and weep for joy that hot tub is finally in truck.
12:01pm-drink Diet Coke.
12:05pm-keep packing.
3pm-stop working. Friends go home.
3:15pm-drive dirty selves to Smokey Bones for ribs and cornbread. Make note to add an extra run to next week’s schedule.
4:30pm-stop at Home Depot to rent carpet cleaner.
4:45pm-stop at Target for cleaning supplies and more Diet Coke. Lose Hubby in Target.
5:10pm-back at Sissy’s. Hubby and S. take thirty minute nap while Sissy and me clean.
5:45pm-Hubby and S. wake up and start packing again.
7pm-talk about that great little ice cream shop up the street while cleaning carpet.
8pm-decide to drive to ice cream shop for hot fudge Sundays. Make note to add two extra running days to schedule next week.
8:30pm-eat ice cream and drink Diet Coke.
9pm-change into pajamas and realize over eager friends packed my cosmetic bag in box that is covered up in moving van. Bag includes toothbrush, deodorant, hairbrush and facial cleanser.
9:05pm-brush teeth with finger and toothpaste.
9:15pm-climb into bed.

Sunday
7:45am-awake and argue with Hubby that it is not close to 8am when friends are supposed to arrive to help.
8am-realize Hubby is right when doorbell rings. Grab clothes.
8:05am-brush teeth with finger and toothpaste.
8:07am-borrow hairbrush from Sissy who borrowed it from S. because Sissy’s is now missing, too. Try not to think about broken hygiene rules.
8:15am-pour milk on cereal and realize silverware is all packed.
8:16am-dig ice cream spoon out of trash and scrub, scrub, scrub it. Eat cereal.
8:25am-drink Diet Coke.
8:40am-pack suitcase and help load more furniture.
10am-endure lecture from snooty home owner’s association president about rut in yard. Make note to group moon her on the way out of the condo complex.
10:30am-give away bedroom suite to friend because it won’t fit on truck.
10:45am-ice down Diet Cokes for ride home.
10:50am-make final sweep through house.
10:55am-give Sissy a moment alone in her empty house.
11am-pull out of drive. Decide not to moon association president after all.
11:15am-stop at Bob Evan’s for lunch. Lose Hubby in parking lot when he walks to Target next door. Make a note to blow off running next week and start fresh the following week.
12pm-head home.
12:15pm-marvel at how high up you sit when riding in the moving van. Wave at trucker.
12:30pm-laugh at the way Hubby bounces up and down on air seat when we hit bumps.
1:52pm-finish reading book. Crap, here comes boredom.
2:10pm-hum show tunes.
2:40pm-clean out purse.
3:15pm-moisturize lower legs, ankles and hands with lotion sample found in purse.
3:25pm-roll down window because lotion sample stinks.
3:30pm-ask to drive. Get laughed at.
3:45pm-stop for potty break. Compliment bladder on cooperation up to this point.
3:50pm-buy large drink. Look for book to read. Find ceramic rattlesnake but no book. Buy Milk duds. Run? I’ve never heard of running.
4pm-hit the road again.
4:30pm-laugh hysterically at the way Hubby bounces up and down on air seat when we hit bumps. Tick Hubby off.
4:31pm-offer Hubby Milk Dud as peace offering.
5:30pm-curse bladder for lack of cooperation. Decide to tough out the last 50 miles.
5:45pm-pretend like I’m not still nibbling on Milk Duds.
6:15pm-wish we had stopped to potty. Decide to tough out the last few miles.
6:30pm-arrive at Sissy’s new house.
6:31pm-ask if she has toilet paper while running into house.
6:40pm-start unloading truck.
7pm-Sunday school class arrives to help unload. Fall to knees and weep for joy help has arrived.
8:13pm-truck is empty. Class goes home. Hula’s drive up the street to their house.
8:30pm-realize suitcase was unloaded with Sissy’s stuff and have no cosmetics. Hubby goes back to Sissy’s for suitcase.
8:35pm-bew iced tea.
8:45pm-marvel at all the chores Teen Angel has done while we were gone. Fall to knees and weep for joy that we may not be completely incompetent as parents after all.
8:55pm-take shower.
9:05pm-eat bologna sandwiches while sitting in recliners.
9:30pm-discuss plans for returning moving truck.
10pm-brush teeth with real toothbrush and head to bed.
10:10pm-Weep for joy that Sissy…is…finally….home…after…all…these…years…making…all..this…work…worthwhile.