All A Twitter

I’m a simple blogger. My website isn’t fancy. It doesn’t really have any bells and whistles. Heck, I haven’t even found the time to add a blog roll. I’m just too busy. I can’t keep up with all the flickers and twitters that could make my little sliver of the internet more interesting. Do you like that word sliver? I do. It’s what one says when he’s offered pie and is too full to eat any but takes a small slice anyway…as in “I’ll take just a sliver”. (This southern moment brought to you by Mrs. Smith’s.) I thought I’d try out that twitter business that everyone is all a-twitter about, but I don’t really have time to figure it out, so here’s a little twitter without the twitter. Hello? Is anyone still there?

5:30am—Hit the alarm without opening eyes. Is it raining?
5:40am—Did the alarm ring? Did I turn it off or am I dreaming that it’s time to get up and it’s not and I should be mad because I won’t be able to go back to sleep.
5:43am—Feet touch the floor.
5:55am—Drag reluctant dog out into the pouring rain to pee. Tell dog not to pee on wheels of car in driveway and make a mental note to consider wearing underwear when walking the dog at daylight..in the rain.
6:10am—Put on makeup while watching VH1 Classic.
6:42am—Kiss Hubby while he still sleeps and smile with satisfaction that the rain will keep his retired butt from laying in the pool all afternoon like he did yesterday while I was at work.
7am—Arrive at work. Begin checking email and voicemail.
7:46am—Eat yogurt and flaxseed while opening mail. Close eyes, click heels together three times and repeat, “I wish this was biscuits and gravy. I wish this was biscuits and gravy”.
7:55am—Start new project.
8:05am—Discover new ink pen with sliding picture. Play briefly with ink pen.
8:52am—Spill drink on dress.
10am—Attend groundbreaking ceremony. Hope no one notices spot on dress. Survey the refreshment table and wonder if the event will run long and keep me from running at lunch.
11:35am—Event runs long. Pretend to be sad that I won’t get to run. Scrap plans to eat veggies and buy fried chicken for lunch. Whine because I didn’t get a biscuit.
11:55am—Get update from Hubby on how school registration went.
12pm—Eat lunch in break room while watching the news. Giggle uncontrollably during a story about a couple getting arrested in Dubai for having sex on the beach because the reporter’s name is Jeff Wiener.
12:30pm—Get back to work. Curse myself for procrastinating on a particular project.
3pm—Think about a snack. Remember that I’ll be eating a sliver of pie later and suck on four LifeSavers instead. Compliment the folks at LifeSavers on the new sweet mint flavor.
3:22pm—Play with sliding pen again.
3:23pm—Get back to the grindstone. Make a note to buy a lottery ticket and research the price of a small home in Aruba.
4:32pm—Leave work and head to the store for a card before aerobics class. Question where my motivation for exercise is hiding today. Question the need for exercise period.
4:48pm—Enter Walgreens. Get all excited over the 75% t-shirts. Keep moving. Buy card and bag of LifeSaver sweet mints.
4:55pm—Eat three more LifeSavers on the way to aerobics.
5:15pm—Change for class. Diddle with paperwork for upcoming personnel committee meeting at church. Make a mental note to volunteer for the trustees committee next time they’re handing out committee assignments.
5:30pm—Smile for my class and pretend that I’m excited about jumping jacks and crunches. Share homegrown tomatoes with ladies in class.
6:03pm—Declare that it’s hotter than Guam in this freakin’ building. Wonder if this is what menopause is going to be like.
6:30pm—Finish class and head into room next door for meeting.
6:31pm—Pat self on the back for planning to bring pie to this meeting. It will quell the hunger pangs until I get to dinner and I am HUNGRY.
8:15pm—Wrap up meeting and head home. Pray that no crisis awaits me.
8:25pm—Crisis awaits. Let Hubby deal with it. Begin making dinner, nixing idea of serving cereal.
8:32pm—Time moves fast. Nix dinner idea. Make Teen Angel a grilled cheese. Plan to eat a bag of microwave popcorn after my shower and feed Hubby a leftover piece of pie.
9:10pm—Take shower. Think about going to bed early but don’t because I don’t want to feel like my mother.
9:25pm-Pop popcorn. Finally sit down for the day. Think about blogging but decide to put it off for the next morning. Wonder why in the world anyone would want to hear about my day. Realize how much work it will be to blog the log of my day day. Wonder what all the twitter is about twitter.