In This Moment

I’ve been terribly reflective the last couple of days. I don’t know if it was spurred by that long library fine list or that pitiful homeless fellow I saw sweltering in the sun and vacantly peering over his cardboard sign, but something has me deep in thought. Thoughts about the fragility of life, the power of emotions and even the sad state of people and wildlife in the Gulf of Mexico. Mostly I’ve been thinking about time and how fast it’s moving. It’s as if the globe spins faster each day. Some days I feel as if I’m barely hanging onto the earth and I could lose my grip at any minute and go flying into the atmosphere. As a child I used to laugh at my mother when she had trouble remembering what day it was or how old she was. Now, I suffer from the same problem. The older I get the faster everything moves, especially the clock. Proof of that sits right in front of me every day in the face of my daughter.

Poor Teen Angel is my victim when I drag out the camera to practice things like aperture and shutter speed. She’s a pretty good sport about it as long as I don’t push my luck too much. She posed for me Friday evening while I toyed with light and shadows. And while I have plenty of pictures of her smiling, it’s the more somber photos that intrigue me because they make me wonder what’s she’s thinking.

Is she mad at her boyfriend again? (And can I just pause a moment to say he’s been a royal T-U-R-D?!) Is she thinking about the year ahead with all the joys and emotions the senior year brings? Or is she looking even farther into the future, and thinking about college and careers?

I don’t know. Emotionally, she’s mature beyond her years because of some of the things she’s had to deal with in recent years like the drowning of her cousin and the suicide of her aunt. In some ways she seems more than ready to skip this last year of high school and move right into the freedoms and responsibilities of college. In other ways, she seems like such a kid, like when she belches the alphabet with pride and gusto. I’m not sure what she’s thinking, but I know what I think when I look at her. She’s growing up fast. In a short time her dad and I will be loading her belongings into a car and driving her to college. We’ll wave goodbye and drive home with our hearts in our throats and hope for the best. We’ll watch from afar as she dives into adulthood and starts to make her mark on the world. She’s a good girl. I’m proud of the woman she’s becoming, and there are days when she makes me believe that her dad and I aren’t complete failures at parenting. I can’t wait to see what she does with her life. Right now though, in this hour, I have to enjoy every fleeting moment and will the earth to slow just a little so I can savor these days. I hope she’s thinking the same thing.