And The Beat Goes On

Why is it so hard to be good? If you read my Fun Monday post this week, you know all about the cookbook I borrowed from Mama J. and lost and then then found again and need to take back to her but haven't because I got all cranky at her one day and have been a stubborn jerk. A few of you, specifically chrisb and sayre, urged me to take it back to her (after they laughed about the situation, mind you.) Patience-please had this to say about it.

"I'm old. And my in-laws moved in next door to us after we'd been married for 17 months. (24 years ago) I don't ever give advice on blogs or even in real life too much. But I'm telling you, if you march right over to your mother-in-law's house, cookbook in hand and a HUGE grin on your face, and say, "looky what I found in my hutch!" You will feel GREAT, and she will too, and you two will love each other all the more. Honest. I wouldn't make this up. Because some day, you'll be at her funeral, consoling your husband on the loss of his mom. And you will smile when you think of the day you walked over to her with your open heart and her cookbook."

She's absolutely right, of course, and my guilt about this doggone book has been building in the last few days. Especially after Mama J. bought me a new dress at J.C. Penney's because they were having a 50% off sale, and it's the kind of sweet, loving thing she does on a whim. Then she cooked dinner the other night and made so much that she sent part of it over to our house, and I didn't have to cook a meal after a long, hard day at work. Then my Methodist upbringing really worked on my heart, and by yesterday I had so much guilt I couldn't stand to have that book in my house. I made up my mind last night to march it over there first thing this morning. I couldn't wait to get rid of it. It was beating in the hutch like the Telltale Heart when I tried to go to sleep last night. I had to cover my ears. But then.....

She calls at 8:15am this morning and woke me up to tell me Papa T. needed a new battery in his hearing aid. Arrrrgh! I have had an incredibly stressful week. During the week my days start at 5:30am. I often don't sit down to relax until 9pm. This week it's been 10 and 11pm. I'm not retired like the rest of my family, so I don't get a daily nap...like they do. They ALL know that if I can sleep until about 9am on Saturday, I can catch up on my rest, and I won't bite their heads off or threaten to drop them all off at the bus station with $20 bills pinned to their chests. It is NO secret I try to sleep in a little on Saturdays that I don't have early obligations. I REALLY, REALLY needed to sleep in this morning. And this was the 17,301 Saturday of the last 17, 302 Saturdays that she has called early for a non emergency. Despite my best efforts, I could not go back to sleep, I'm still dragging and that pain that has radiated up the back of my neck all week is back with a vengeance. And I still have that danged cookbook in my house! I want to take it back, but I don't want to take it back, but I should take it back, but I'm feelin' all cranky again, but I need to do the right thing. Arrrrgh! This should not be this hard. I should be a better person....but I AM STILL OFFICIALLY....A TURD.