Fun Monday-Being A Jerk

Sauntering Soul is our Fun Monday host this week and she has given us a great topic. Here are her instructions:

I know we all try to be sweet and kind to people the majority of the time. But let's face it....we also know that sometimes we can be a big jerk. It could be that you experience road rage from time to time. Perhaps you empty the coffee pot at work some mornings and don't feel like taking the time to start a new pot for the next person. Or maybe you don't return phone calls on a timely basis when you know someone needs a response from you. Have you ever "accidentally" ruined a favorite shirt of your spouse just because you didn't care for it? Come on - it's confession time! List the small things you do that make you a jerk and elaborate just a bit on each one.


Well, I certainly have plenty to atone for. I should pray for forgiveness oh...about every two minutes for something I think or do that really just isn't mature. In fact, I could write columns about this, but you don't have that much time, so I'll toss out a couple of the more recent ones.


Let me give you a little context about this first one. (See I'm already trying to justify myself.) The sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond was based on our family. It had to be. We ARE the Barones. We live next door to Hubby's parents. His mother looks shockingly similar to Marie Barone when she's wearing the right outfit and is very similar to Marie in her...hmmm..shall we say... control issues. On that TV show Marie's manipulating ways are a constant source of frustration for her daughter in law Deborah, and they frequently butt heads. Deborah hates it when Marie is right about something. Mama J. and I ARE Marie and Deborah. We have the same kind of loving, head butting, control wrestling relationship, and I HATE it when she's right about something. I guess I'm just not as evolved as I should be. (More justification.)

Months and months ago, I borrowed a cookbook from Mama J.. It's one of those little community cookbooks that a local high school put together as a fundraiser. She loves that cookbook. It's one of the few she actually uses. She rarely cooks anymore, but this book has one or two recipes that she really likes. I read the cookbook and forgot about it. I have this same issue at the library. Don't ask how many fines I've paid. Anyway, a few months ago she asked to have the book back. I just knew I had returned it to her. I swore up and down that I had given it back to her. Insisted that she had it and had misplaced it. Acted indignant that she would even suggest that I hadn't returned it. I just KNEW I didn't have that book. I finally convinced her she was wrong...and stumbled upon the cookbook several weeks later....in my dining room hutch...with all of my other cookbooks. (If you watch Raymond you're probably familiar with the episode where Deborah does the same thing with Marie's beloved cookie tin. See? We're the Barones.)

I simply could not admit to her that I was wrong about the book. And I didn't have the kahones to face her with it. I thought and thought and finally decided I would slip it back onto her bookshelf when she wasn't at home. Pretty sad, huh? Wait! It gets better. Then she made me mad about something, and I decided NOT to return the book. It is still sitting in my hutch...and I-AM-OFFICIALLY-A-TURD.

Second jerky thing I've done lately: I have an acquaintance I see frequently. I have tried every way in the world to be nice to this woman. And she acts likes she's being nice to me, but it's that fake "I'm just pretending to like you" nice. I'd rather she just not make any effort than to act like that, but I smile back and try to make the best of it. Let me stop right here and explain that I NEVER brag that I am thin, and I am very sensitive to the struggles many folks have with food and weight. Recently, this woman started making comments to me about my weight. "You're just wasting away. "(I weigh the same that I have for a long time.) "Have you lost MORE weight?" (no) "You're gonna have to buy new pants if you get any thinner." And on and on an on...every time I see her. She says it in a joking way, but she's really not joking and her words have a mean undertone. I know she's struggling to lose weight, so I usually turn the other cheek. But a few weeks ago, I got fed up with it. She made one comment too many. I knew where she'd be eating lunch and knew she was in the middle of a very restrictive diet. I drove to a little restaurant that makes the best desserts in town and bought lunch to go. I went back to where she was eating lunch, plopped down right in front of her and proceeded to slowly eat the biggest piece of strawberry cake you've ever seen. I should be really ashamed to admit how good it felt....but...well...dadgum it....I was sick and tired of her crap. By the way, I haven't heard any more smart aleck comments about my saggy pants since then. However, I-AM-STILL-OFFICIALLY-A-TURD.

Now, do you see why the Hula-gens have to go to church every Sunday?