Thursday, March 13, 2008

Wedding Songs

I’ve been putting together some music play lists and CD’s for Super Cop’s wedding reception this weekend. Once again, he has foolishly trusted his big sister to do the right thing. When will he ever learn? Actually, I’ve been on my best behavior and have put together a collection of appropriate material, ranging from his and his finance’s old favorites to romantic standards by Dean Martin and Louie Armstrong. I think it’s a rather nice mix of stuff that should be appropriate for the occasion. I wouldn’t want to do anything to tarnish the day. It doesn’t mean I haven’t been tempted to have a little fun, though. Really tempted…sorely tempted….just to throw in a song or two with a funny title that might cause a few guests to snort Starlight Punch through their noses in the middle of the reception.

Maybe it’s just my immaturity rearing its gnarly head because I think it would be really funny if something like Marvin Gaye’s Let’s Get it On popped up in the play list. Or maybe a little Talk Dirty to Me by Poison. It would be awfully funny to see Aunt B.’s face when that one came on. Since I love my little brother AND I want to stay in this family, I will resist the urge. However, as someone who’s been married for eighteen years, I thought I would put together a separate CD to represent those years of marriage yet to come. Those years when the romance has worn off and you’ve spent time in the trenches battling bills, children and each other and are still hanging on. Ladies and gentleman, I give you:
Marriage-The Ultimate Collection.

1. Bills, Bills, Bills-blues favorite by Koko Taylor. For that never ending cycle of debt that increases exponentially with each year of marriage and the birth of each child.
2. Love is a Battlefield-Pat Benatar. Years 1, 2, 7 and 11 for most folks.
3. A Little Less Conversation & A Lot More Action-Elvis. What you long for after about the twelfth year.
4. Flirtin’ With Disaster-Molly Hatchet. When she reaches for the remote or he dares to truthfully answer the question “Does this make my butt look big?”
5. Chains-Patty Lovelace. Days when you wish you were the recreation director on a cruise ship instead of a spouse and parent.
6. Delirious-Prince. How you feel after spending the whole night wiping up vomit, washing sheets and praying for the diarrhea to stop.
7. It’s All Over Now-Rolling Stones. When you come home to find a new boat sitting in the driveway.
8. You Can’t Always Get What You Want-Rolling Stones. When the boat goes right back to the dealer.
9. Heaven Help Us All-Stevie Wonder. Your teenager gets his driver’s license.
10. Trouble-Pink. Your daughter starts to date.
11. Still Crazy After All These Years-Paul Simon. Your in-laws after about the fifteenth year.
12. Mad Season-Matchbox Twenty. Menopause.
13. Get this Party Started-Pink. The kids all move out.
14. Looks Like We Made It-Barry Manilow. Retirement.
15. I’m Gonna Love You Just A Little Bit More-Barry White. How to get through cuts 1-14.

Order your copy here. You won’t find this CD in any store. Act now and I’ll throw in a free “How to Stay Married for Fifty Years Kit” which includes a cattle prod, some rose colored glasses, a few Viagra tablets and a cheap bottle of wine. My darling brother gets a free copy of this and the music we’re playing at the reception…minus the Marvin Gaye and Poison.


Mama Mia said...

I thought surely I would see a Buffet song on that list!

Amy said...

That is hysterical!

My husband and I would like to add one to your list for the fun-filled "twelfth" year of being a parent, "Take This Job And Shove It!":)...Just Kidding!

You are funny, Hula Girl!


Jason said...

Very clever! I loved this post. And it's all completely true. Sometimes. . .much too true for my liking!

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