Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Inquiring Minds Want to Know

My dahling friend Jason in California-air kiss, air kiss-is shining the celebrity spotlight on me, at least in his little corner of BlogLand. Say hello to Jason.
I love Jason. He's the only one I know living close to more in-laws than me. In fact, his family is so blended I can hardly keep up with the branches in the tree. There's his husband Giancarlo, their adopted son, Diego, his ex-wife Claire who recently adopted their grandchild, all of their other children and his mother-in-law the fabulous interior decorator and many more. You should stop by and visit his place sometime. It's a riot.
(After I begged) He agreed to interview me for the Jason Show. I and several others volunteered to be interviewed and have been matched up with random questions written by other Jason Show readers. The interview is as follows. I'll be signing autographs after the show. In case you're wondering, the Halston was at the cleaners so I wore Target for this interview. The jewelry was from J.C. Penney's. In the tradition of Cher and Dolly, I am embracing honesty. Kiss, kiss.


1. What is the fastest speed you've ever traveled in a car?
I’m not sure. I was afraid to open my eyes and look. I was seventeen years old and my friend M. was driving us across a rickety bridge in her boyfriend’s Trans Am. Let’s just say I was constipated for about a week because my butt was puckered so tightly.

2. While eating pizza, do you eat it open flat or do you fold it then eat?
Fold it? Are you kidding me? I truly have never understood the folding thing. I leave it flat, so as not to knock off the mushrooms. I then leave a rim of crust that is dipped in Ranch dressing and eaten last. I’ve been known to eat leftover crust off my family’s plates. I’m also the person who steals that big hunk of cheesy stuff that’s left in the middle of the box when the pieces are pulled out. Sometimes I selfishly eat the extra pepperocini before I dole out the slices.

3. What creeps you out more than anything else?
Well, there are snakes. And snakes. And then there are snakes. However, the thing that really creeps me out are those criminal types with a stalker quality about them. You know, the quiet ones who stare a lot. Years ago, I covered the trial of a guy who murdered several college women and raped them after they were dead. I looked like the women he picked, and many times I caught him staring at me during court. It gave me the willies. (What are willies exactly?) He got the death penalty but died in prison before he could be executed. He was EVIL and very creepy. I can see his face right now.

4. You are in line at the store. Person in front of you is a nasty, mean excuse for a human being. Ever get the urge to just slam them into the counter conveyor and crush their head with the Skittles display??
Sure. I get especially angry at WTSP (white trash screaming parents) who holler at their kids or fight with each other the whole time they’re in Wal-Mart. I see a lot of that around here. I used to have to resist the urge to slap this loud mouthed woman I would see in the grocery store every week running over people with her scooter and screaming obnoxious things to her six kids. Really. It was all I could do not to push over her scooter and whack her with a giant can of pork and beans.

5. When honored with something as impressive as an interview by, well, me, where do you go from here? My point is that, once you reach the pinnacle, where do you go then? Do you have any plans? Do you have a therapist dear? Do you need a tissue?
It’s all downhill from here, dahling. Although, I’ve yet to win a Kitchen-Aid mixer from the Pioneer Woman. That would certainly make my skirt fly up, as she likes to say. I don’t have a therapist, but I’m going to need one soon if I continue to live within a two block radius of all my in-laws. For now, I’m just honored to have been chosen for the Jason Show. I’d like to thank God…and my parents….and my agent……
I'm here 'til Thursday.
*If you'd like me to interview YOU, just let me know in the comments.


Mia said...

This interview thing is catching on like a house on fire!! I just threw myself on the mercy of janjanmom who gave me questions. I sure would like to raise my hand now with a high five hula salute and say "ME!!PICK ME!!!"

Jason, as himself said...

I LOVED your answers. Of course, I knew I would. I puposely gave some of them to you because I knew I would get a kick out of the replies. Well, except for that creepy killer/rapist guy. That didn't didn't do much for me. But it was still very interesting.

And you, my dearest Hula, are too kind. You really shouldn't shower me with so much flattery. Please don't. Stop. Don't. Stop. Don't stop!

Janis said...

You are the third blog I have read in the past two days that have been interviewed. Must be the big thing now. Yours was quite entertaining as usuaL. Dont know if I am ready for that now, but maybe later on this year if it's still the trend. Meanwhile I am goin over to The Jason show and check him out.

janjanmom said...

I checked with my publicist-got the green light- and I am happy to agree to an interview.

Have your people call my people.

Cruise Mom said...

I can never think of anything to write about - and school doesn't start for another week - so here I am, wiggling in my pleather office chair, hand raised high (and other one holding it up, weak muscles ya know), saying pick me, pick me!!

The Girl Next Door said...

Awesome and I love finding out things about you - especially in such a funny way. And the snakes thing? I am sooooo there with you. And I heart Jason, too. Another great blog find!

dkuroiwa said...

okay...so you and I would never be able to eat pizza together because all you said...yep. me too. and if there is no Ranch dressing, a thick Italian works too!!

Willies...too funny...that word is actually in the dictionary. how do i know? i taught it to one of my classes the other day...we were talking about things that made you ~~shiver~~...like snakes!!!
(I said slugs and sea urchins...they understood!!)